The Adventures of Anorexic AntiKairi!
by Alisyn Coleman
Summary: AntiKairi appeared one day out of Kairi's shadow on Destiny Islands. Now follow the anorexic princess of heartless through her hilarious adventures as she tries to destroy Kairi and friends, against each new complication that arises!
1. Curtain Call!

The Adventures of Anorexic Anti-Kairi!!!

(original title)

Yeah. The typical story's starting: I got bored. :)  
This is my favorite and easiest creation so enjoy! Oh and I also got a review from TheSoulForgotten of Quizilla, who is AWESOME by the way, but yeah, I had it reviewed on the highest level, level 3. . Of course that's not saying a whole lot because, well, as she says, it's a comic, and I don't have to be a great writer or anything. But yeah so here ya go.

"-Wow.. ummm.. just wow. This is really funny. Lots of OOCness. I love it.

-I love what you've done to Maleficent.

-Little disjointed.

-I can't really critique this too much, because I am not that familiar with comics but I did my best. It was really funny.

Overall rating A"

Yayz!! thank you Soul-chan! OK now go on for the curtain call (which is before the show just to mix it up)!!

Disclaimers for the whole story: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I would be awesome. But I don't, Square-Enix and Tetsuya Nomura do. Also, I did borrow a couple things from Shrek, the movies, and that would belong to DreamWorks, the movie people. And if I forgot anything else I'll put it here.

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"Hello," comes the announcer's voice, "and welcome to Alisyn Coleman's…The Adventures of Anorexic Anti-Kairi! Starring…

"Monstro!"

A projector screen shows a picture of the whale's insides where everybody in the game normally chats to each other and fights stuff.

"Um…yeah, well…he's more of a place. But he's a living thing so he can go in here.

"Next we have…Pinocchio!"

Pinocchio walks on stage proudly.

"He pretty much just lays there unconscious!"

Pinocchio glares, but walks offstage.

"A random shadow! He's just some wimpy shadow."

Another glare comes to the announcer from the cute little Shadow who walks across the stage and then disappears on the other side.

"Fatso 1! A large body. A mute. He's scary.

"Fatso 2! Another one. Less scary.

"Fatso 3! Yet another one."

The three Fatsos go by stupidly one by one.

"Pirate 1! He likes dragging around anorexic people.

"Pirate 2! He does, too. It builds muscles.

"Pirate 3! He got stuck carrying a dinky shadow."

Yay for the pirates as they walk across the stage!

"The waiter! He's kinda grumpy. No one ever comes to his café. And his candles are, like, waterproof or something."

The waiter stomps across the stage, refusing to look at anyone.

"Goofy! A stupid mute. Bo-ring."

Goofy mimes his way across genially, followed by…

"Donald! I wish he was a mute."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" Donald stops in the middle to yell. But the announcer ignores him and the duck gets bumped into by…

"Maleficent! Uh…she's evil."

Maleficent glares sinisterly at Donald, who finally shuts up and leaves.

"Cid! A gross old man."

Cid enters and grins creepily at the audience.

"Mysterious Man! Uh…he's a man…and he's mysterious."

The Mysterious Man nods and leaves without further comment. Ooh, mysterious.

"Naminé! A little air-headed twit, and the world's little angel of joy. Will do whatever anyone tells her to do."

Naminé bounces across the stage innocently and gives an endearing smile to the audience, who "awwww" in unison.

"Sora! A shallow little punk. Cares more about his hair than his girlfriend."

Sora trudges on stage, uncaring, and gives a passive look at the audience. He yawns, then exits.

"Sora!!!" comes a voice from offstage, and a chick with a gratingly shrill voice runs on stage, looking for her boyfriend.

"Um…er…Yes, this is…Kairi! Also pretty shallow, but only because she's another air-headed twit who worships the water she thinks Sora walks on. And she always has to have a boyfriend. Or she'll go nuts."

"Where's Sora!?!" Kairi cries.

The announcer points the other way, exasperated, and Kairi runs off.

"Next is…Anti-Sora! A pretty awesome dude. Likes to sing. Gangster."

Anti-Sora gives the "peace out" sign to the audience and walks off with his gangster walk.

"Riku! A manipulating little punk, even when he's not under Ansem's control. Also very prone to jealousy."

"Am not," Riku mutters as he slouches across the stage looking very emo.

"Fred! The only talking shadow you will ever meet. Very cynical and very smart, but the poor guy has a lot of bad luck."

Fred bounces across cutely and glares when the audience starts another "aww." The audience shuts up.

"And finally…the star of our show…"

A drum rolls, lights flash, and spotlights go berserk.

"ANTI-KAIRI!!!!!!!"

Anti-Kairi flounces on, reveling in the attention.

"Very, very evil. But sadly, not very, very smart."

"Hey!"

"In her natural state, she is enormously—"

"Shh!!! They're not supposed to know that!!"

"Well, okay, fine. Quick to take charge. Rushes into things. Likes drawing."

Anti-Kairi exits after blowing a kiss.

"And soon a doomed love will cause trouble for her plans to destroy Kairi and her friends…"

The band plays a "_dum, dum, dummmm_."

The lights turn off as Anti-Kairi peeks back onstage. "What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing," the announcer assures her, grinning.

--------

Whooo!! Hope you enjoyed that little tidbit. I don't really like this part as much since I have to make it in actual story form. But the rest will be better, I promise!

And keep in mind I make it OOC because it's funny that way, obviously. I have nothing against Kairi, or Sora, or Riku, or anybody else (well except maybe Cid, who really is a creepy old man).

Now remember before you leave:

"Anti-Kairi! With your hair so fiery! And your eyes are too…"


	2. AntiKairi is Born!

The first episode! But I guess we'll make this the second episode actually, to erase confusion about which chapter's which. So. The second episode! In this I gave nobodies an extra power, because I felt like it. Well, I am the author here!

Ugh, but you know how long it took me to change all these to non-script form? Well, I'm not complaining, I guess. I actually like it better this way.

Oh, and if you read this you have to promise not to take offense from any of it. I don't like it when people can't learn to laugh at themselves. Yes, I can laugh at myself so don't act as if I'm this humongous hypocrite. Okay, now I'll let you go with a little quote.

"Aha! I now declare myself anti-Kairi, princess of heartless!"

---

Episode Two: Anti-Kairi is Born!

Kairi stands on the beach of Destiny Islands, alone.

"I'm so excited we're leaving tomorrow," she says to herself. "Well, I guess it's time for bed."

Then she sees something, and looks astonished. "Gasp! What's that?"

There is a little Shadow staring at Kairi.

"Aw," Kairi coos, "it's a cute little teddy bear that Sora must have left for me! I knew he liked me! Now I should give him a big smoochie."

But the Shadow speaks. "No, you fool," it says in a deep, evil monotone. "What are you talking about. I am going to eat your heart. Muahahaha."

This only delights Kairi further. "Aw, it talks, too!" she exclaims. "Let me just pick you up, you little cutie!"

"You touch me you die."

Kairi ignores this, and picks the Shadow up and hugs it. "Aw, you're so funny!"

"Put me down you imbecile."

In the meantime, Kairi's shadow falls on the sand.

"You're so adorable," Kairi says. "But you need some fuzziness."

The shadow darkens and starts to rise from the ground, gaining tangibility.

The Shadow sees this and cackles. "Hahaha, now you're getting it."

"I think I'll name you Bob," Kairi continues, oblivious.

"My name is Fred you idiot."

Finally, the newly formed anti-Kairi (duh) taps her counterpart on the shoulder from behind.

Kairi whirls around, drops Fred, closes her eyes, and puckers her lips. "Sora!" she yells. "Smoochie time!"

Anti-Kairi quickly steps away and speaks in the same evil monotone. "Ah, no, you fool, get away!"

"Ah. I cannot get up." Fred, forgotten, wiggles on the ground.

Kairi opens her eyes and sees the visitor. "Oh. Haha. You're not Sora."

"No, you fool," the anti says. "I am anti-Kairi. I am going to eat your heart."

Fred continues wiggling. "Ah. I still cannot get up."

Kairi launches into a fast-paced talk, waving her hands crazily as she speaks. "Cool, you have the same name as me almost! But who names their kid 'anti-'? Oh, sorry, no offense. Anyway, did you wash up here like a hobo, like me?"

Anti-Kairi stops, seeing stars. "What…?"

"Blah blah blah..." Kairi continues.

"Yes, she talks incessantly," Fred tells the anti.

Finally Kairi picks Fred up again. "Well anyway, I'm going to go give a big smoochie to my boyfriend Sora for giving me this talking doll. You'll like him, he's really hot. But you better not steal him! Okay, bye!" And she runs off, Fred yelling, "Put me down…the right way this time!"

Anti-Kairi runs after the girl. "Wait! I'm not finished with you yet!"

---

Kairi runs into the secret cave on the Islands. "Sora, are you here?"

Fred, still in Kairi's hand, sees his opportunity.

---

Outside, anti-Kairi stops for breath, and hears Kairi calling for Sora. She peeks in through the cave entrance and sees something that enrages her.

"What? That little rat stole my heart!"

But there's no time for revenge, as a swishing, slashing noise comes from nearby.

Anti-Kairi hides behind a bush, just as Sora, brandishing the newly acquired Keyblade, rushes into the cave.

The anti comes out from the bush and stares after him. By this time her voice has developed so that she no longer speaks in a monotone…and her voice is not so deep that it sounds manly. "He _is _hot," she murmurs. "But he has the Keyblade! He must be destroyed!" 

---

Meanwhile, in the cave, Kairi's heart has been stolen. A familiar scene occurs. Sora tries to help Kairi, but the door opens and Kairi goes right through him as he is blown out of the cave.

---

Anti-Kairi sees Sora get blown out. But luckily, he doesn't see her, and gets right back up to run to the other side of the island, where an ominous dark globe hangs above a group of palm trees and another boy.

"Hm…" anti-Kairi muses. "What made him run out like that?"

Well, the only way to find out is to go in the cave. As soon as the anti sees Fred hiding behind a rock, and Kairi's lifeless body, she explodes. "Hey, you! Did you just take her heart?"

Fred steps out from the rock and shifts nervously. His voice has also matured by now, so that it sounds normal. "Well, um, actually…"

Anti-Kairi doesn't have time for excuses. She picks Fred up and yells in his face. "That heart was for _me _to take and me alone!"

"But I didn't take it!" Fred squeaks. "She's a princess of heart!"

Anti-Kairi drops the Shadow, who mutters resignedly, "Not again…"

"What?" the anti asks.

Fred manages to get up again and explains, more calmly this time. "She's a princess of heart, so when I tried to take her heart, it just went into that kid with the Keyblade. But…she did leave a nobody."

Anti-Kairi stops to ponder this.

And a blonde twit of a girl—yes, Naminé—taps on anti-Kairi's shoulder from behind. "Hello."

Anti-Kairi jumps about ten feet straight into the air, hitting her head on the ceiling with a loud thump. "AH!!"

"Nice jump!" Fred comments.

"WHAT'S GONG ON HERE!?!" the anti booms.

"That's Kairi's nobody," says Fred, pointing.

"Hi! I'm Naminé!" says Naminé.

"Sure ya are…" anti-Kairi mutters, sizing the girl up. Then an idea occurs to her.

"Wait a sec! If Kairi's a princess of heart, wouldn't that make me…a princess of heartless…ness?"

"Um, not really…" says Fred.

Anti-Kairi picks Fred up and raises her arms triumphantly. "Aha! I now declare myself anti-Kairi, Princess of Heartless! And that means," she says to Fred, "you serve me!"

"You're getting this all wrong…"

"Now, about you…" anti-Kairi regards Naminé. "Nobodies can create illusions, right?

"Ugh…" Fred groans as anti-Kairi lowers her arms.

"Shore can!" the nobody says brightly. "And _I'm _special. I can also—"

"Fabulous!" declares the anti. "Now make me look like Kairi. Black is such a dull color."

Naminé shrugs and leaves her sentence unfinished. "Okee-dokee!"

"I'm gonna puke…" Fred says miserably as anti-Kairi's arms go up once more.

But then Fred falls to the ground, as anti-Kairi starts to shine with the transformation.

Fred, peering through the blinding light, sees something that makes him start laughing his head off.

The mysterious robed man comes in through the door. "What's going on here?"

The shiny goes away, and everyone sees anti-Kairi…colorful…and insanely fat! Fred laughs even harder.

"Hey!" anti-Kairi exclaims in outrage. "Why am I so fat?! What did you do, nobody twirp!?"

"You're just naturally too fat. It's all I can do to keep you that size. When you were a shadow it was easier…" Naminé explains matter-of-factly.

Now both the mysterious man and Fred are literally rolling on the floor laughing.

"Fat? Me? How could this be?!?" anti-Kairi laments.

"Haha, you rhymed," Naminé says stupidly.

Finally, that's enough. The laughter and the revelation and everything are giving her a headache. "STOP LAUGHING!!!" she yells.

Instantly, everything is quiet. Except for a couple crickets.

Anti-Kairi is satisfied and turns to the mysterious man. "Now what do _you_ want?"

The man regains his composure. "I came for Kairi's nobody. Her name shall be Kixari. She will be part of our organization."

The nobody in question raises her hand and says, "Um, my name's Naminé."

The man looks at her, flustered. "But—wait—what—oh, fine, Naminé. But you're not really part of the organization, then!"

"Fine, whatever," the anti breaks in. "If she's anything like Kairi, I don't want her."

The man looks at her, like _duh_. "Well, she _is _her nobody." He takes Naminé's hand. "You shall rearrange many memories for us," he tells her as they turn to leave.

"Okee-dokee!" Naminé says.

"Wait, she can rearrange memories?!" anti-Kairi quickly turns back to face the two. "Wait!!"

But it's too late, they have already gone through the door. "Drat," is anti-Kairi's comment.

A short pause, then: "Just you, me, and Kairi's heartless body now…" Fred says.

Anti-Kairi yanks on the locked door, muttering, "Open, open, you dumb thing…"

Fred looks at Kairi, with a stupid grin frozen on her face. "What should we do with her?"

Suddenly, a wave of darkness fills the entire room, and then leaves. The island is falling into darkness…

"Let's just get out of here!" anti-Kairi gasps after she recovers. "My new body can't stay here in the darkness!"

"Okay, if you say so…"

---

Later, in a second district alleyway of Traverse Town, Riku discovers Kairi, who has randomly turned up there like the rest of them.

"Kairi…!"

A figure appears behind Riku, who turns around.

---

End of Episode One…er, Two! Hope you liked it!

I have no explanation for why anti-Kairi was fat. That's just what occurred to me when I wrote this. :P

Now what are you waiting for? Review or whatever you're gonna do and go to the next episode! Episode…Three!

Next in our adventure:

Episode Three: Anorexia and Evilness!

"You know, you should really eat something."


	3. Anorexia and Evilness

Welcome to Episode Three! Remember, don't take offense at anything. And, uh, it's a short one this time.

---

Episode Three: Anorexia and Evilness!

Anti-Kairi is now so skinny that you can't see her body (it's hard to make someone anorexic when they're a stick figure). She and Fred are hiding behind a wall in Traverse Town's third district. Fred remarks once again to Kairi, "You know, you should really eat something."

"No way!" anti-Kairi replies again. "My body is not going to be fat again! Besides, I'm a heartless. I myself am not hungry…not for anything but Kairi's heart."

"You can't even _see_ your body."

Suddenly the two hear murmuring voices from the other side of the wall. They peer around the corner to see four figures: Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Riku.

Anti-Kairi is pleasantly surprised. "It's that hot boy from the Islands! But who're those other clowns?" She notices Donald and Goofy. "So he's got bodyguards now, does he?" And finally she notices Riku, talking to Sora. "That other kid doesn't look like a bodyguard…looks like…a reunion of some kind?"

"Riku!" Sora is saying. "Have you seen Kairi?"

"No," Riku answers. "Who are _these_…people?" he says with a glare at Donald and Goofy.

"Ooh," anti-Kairi murmurs. "Sounds like somebody's jealous. Must be one of his island buddies."

"Riku? Riku, where'd you go?"

Anti-Kairi gasps, but too late. Riku is standing in front of her with an evil stare. "Who are you?" Then he gasps as well. "Kairi!?! No, it can't be…"

Anti-Kairi shushes him panickedly, and Riku continues, whispering. "Who are you and why do you look like Kairi's floating head?"

Now the anti has regained her composure, and she feigns innocence. "What are you talking about, of course I'm Kairi! Her—I mean, my whole body!"

Riku glares suspiciously. "I don't see any body and Kairi's with me. You impostor! What are you?"

Anti-Kairi pauses, puzzled. "With you? How can that be? I—"

"What do you know about Kairi?"

Suddenly, Maleficent appears and announces in an evilly dramatic voice: "She knows a lot…because she's _anti-Kairi_!"

"Anti-Kairi?" Riku muses. "But isn't that a heartless? And Kairi's a princess of heart, so she doesn't have any darkness in her heart that can be turned into a heartless."

The anti, left out of the conversation, protests, "Hey! What gives?"

She's ignored. Maleficent shrugs. "Antis are made of shadows. Nothing more."

"_Hey_!" anti-Kairi yells, louder. Luckily, Sora and co. have already left, so she doesn't get stuck in another awkward situation.

"Do you think she could help us help Kairi?"

"Um…sure, Riku, of course."

"_Heyyyy_!" Anti-Kairi starts beating up Maleficent, who shrinks back as if a small kitten were scratching her.

"Ow!" she cries. "She _does _have a body! What are you, like, anorexic?"

"Um, yes, I guess I am," the anti says. "Now _tell me what's going on_!"

So Maleficent explains all the stuff about heartless and princesses and what happened to Kairi and how they had her with them and they were going to supposedly restore her heart.

After the explanation, when Maleficent can't think of anything else to say, not even about her uncle's toast, she comes back to topic. "So, now that you're informed, you'll have to work for me." She shoots out green fire, engulfing anti-Kairi and Fred, who was bored with the whole conversation and had been trying to take a little passing cockroach's heart.

"Ah!" Fred cries, knowing what should be happening.

But anti-Kairi merely says sarcastically, "Oh, no. I'm itchy. Please stop. Sike."

The fire stops, and Fred looks at his hands. "I'm…still my own?"

Maleficent is shocked. "What???"

"Well, whaddya know," Fred says. "Maybe being an anti-princess _does _give you powers.

"What do you mean?" the anti asks him.

"You resisted her control over most heartless," the Shadow explains. "And you must have created some kind of master-servant bond between us, or I would be under her control, too."

"Imposhibibble!" Maleficent says angrily. Okay, so maybe she didn't say it like that. But what can I say? You can't resist the Hypello.

"Aha!" anti-Kairi crows. "Now hand Kairi over. She is, after, all, partly me…somewhat…"

Maleficent laughs. "Never! This isn't over, anti-Kairi! I'll get you, and your little Shadow, too! Come on, Riku!"

The witch disappears with her magic portal thing, but Riku stays behind, thinking about something. Then he approaches anti-Kairi nervously and starts whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Okay, never mind, not sweet nothings. But he whispers to her for a while.

"What? What's he saying?" Fred tries to get in on the conversation but fails. Poor short little Shadow. Not to mention he just got a death threat...

Riku finishes, and anti-Kairi nods and grins evilly. "I'll get back to you on that. For now, we'd better get going. C'mon Fran!" she says to her Shadow lackey.

"Um, it's Fred."

"Okay," Riku smiles. Then he disappears as well. Ooh, a bit early to get magic powers, eh, Riku? Who cares. I'm nice and I decided to give them to you early.

Anti-Kairi looks after him in awe. "Man, I need to learn how to do that."

"Wake me up when you do," Fred says encouragingly.

---

End of Episode Three! Short, but hope you liked as usual! Review if ya feel like it, yadda yadda…

Ha. No magic portals for anti-Kairi. And I won't tell you how she does get around from world to world. (Okay, you got me. I don't know how she does it. I'm just lazy. Ha.)

So…yeah, I used the little Master-doesn't-know-the-servant's-name-thing. Deal. Muahaha.

For these types of things I'm not really that concerned with making it better, though I will if something occurs to me. But this is purely of my own fancy and so I don't care if you don't like it--at least, not that much--okay, maybe I do. xD

Anyway, enough of my rambling.

Next in our adventure:

Episode Four: The Plan Executed…Almost

"Quick! Is this a face Kairi would make?"


	4. The Plan Executed,,, Almost

Yup, another short one. Happy reading! Oh and in this is where a stole a little sumpin sumpin from Shrek…and I'll be using it a couple times…so yeah. Once again I don't own Shrek or anything. Yeah, right. Lol. .

---

Episode Four: The Plan Executed...Almost

We see our heroes in the bowels of the beast, Monstro.

Anti-Kairi is sitting with her arms around her knees, bored to death. "Ugh," she groans. "How long have we been in this stupid whale now?"

Fred stops his pacing for a second. "Not much longer than when you asked thirty seconds ago…about a month."

"Hey!" anti-Kairi interrupts suddenly, standing up. "Someone's coming!"

Guess who! It's Riku! And he's holding Pinocchio, who is now heartless.

"Riku?" anti-Kairi says. "What are you doing here? And what's that?" She points to the lifeless puppet.

Riku lays Pinocchio down and explains elaborately, "Oh, this is just some weird puppet that had a heart."

Anti-Kairi feels a bit of drool collecting in her mouth. _A heart…that sounds so good right now…_ she thinks to herself. _But I can only take Kairi's heart!_

Then she speaks to Riku. "And you're here because…?"

"Oh…um…" Riku stutters, then says hastily, "Hey, have you decided yet? Sora will be here any minute."

Fred doesn't miss a thing. "Ahem…changing subject…" he mutters.

Anti-Kairi, however, notices nothing. "Hm…I guess I could help you out," she tells Riku teasingly. "Though I normally don't partake in humans' petty little jealousies."

"I'm not jealous!"

"Uh-huh. And that's why you want me to—"

Suddenly there's a noise from nearby. "What's that?" Riku turns around to see.

"Hey!" Fred yells out suddenly, looking up from his inspection of Pinocchio. "What are you doing with a heartless puppet?"

"Gotta go!" Riku says, saved by the keyblade master. He picks up the puppet and runs off in the opposite direction of the noises.

Anti-Kairi turns to Fred. "Quick! Is this a face Kairi would make?" she asks him, making an evil grin.

"If she were about to blow up the world," Fred answers. "Now about Riku—"

"Good! Now hide!"

"What? What are you doing?"

"Now!!"

Fred gives up and hides behind a rock. Anti-Kairi stands by a wall whistling casually as Sora and co. run by.

"I think I saw Riku go that way!" Sora yells, pointing with the keyblade, and off they go.

"They didn't see you," says the rock—er, Fred.

Anti-Kairi coughs loudly. "Ahem, Sora!" She runs after him, and Sora turns around, leaving the clueless lackeys to run off without him.

"Kairi?" says the spiky-haired hero.

"Sora!" Anti-Kairi says in a gratingly sweet voice, and reaches out to hug him. But Sora just stands there staring at her.

The anti gets angry. "Why aren't you hugging me you id—dorable person?"

"Your head's floating," Sora says simply.

The rock laughs. I mean, Fred.

Anti-Kairi sighs. Why _does everyone say that?_

"Oh, uh," she says, lost for words, "um…don't worry, Sora darling, I vowed not to eat until we were reunited! And so I've lost weight! Do you like it?"

"Nice save," the rock continues its commentary.

Sora looks at her as if for the first time. "So you turned anorexic for _me_?"

"Cheesy." That's Fred.

Anti-Kairi takes a deep breath. "Shore did hunny-bun! Now kiss me!" She heads in for the kill—er, kiss, but Sora holds her back, with a panicked, "Oh, no, you don't!"

"What in the world is she doing?" Fred wonders.

Anti-Kairi stops, confused. "What's wrong?"

"Why are you being so obvious?" Sora says, letting her go and giving her a good lecture. "I liked you but you're being really creepy and it's turning me off."

"Oh, burn."

The Kairi impostor darts an annoyed glance at the talking rock, thinking _Oh, crap, what now? _But her quick thinking saves her again.

"Um, I…I'm sorry, Sora, but when we were separated, I realized that we never know what could happen. So we need to make the most of it while we still can!"

There is a dead silence as Sora contemplates this. Meanwhile Fred wonders, "Where does she come up with this stuff?" And anti-Kairi simply bites her lip hoping it'll work.

Finally he speaks.

"That was beautiful, Kairi."

The anti is triumphant! "Thanks!

"But try not to act like my mom, okay?"

"Mom!?!" she says indignantly. "I—"

"Hey!" Fred yells out, hearing something.

"Hey!" Riku enters the scene.

"Riku!" says Sora.

"Riku!" says anti-Kairi.

"Kairi…" Riku says threateningly.

"Fred!" says Fred. Well, he has the right to say something, too!

Riku takes anti-Kairi aside and whispers angrily, "What the heck do you think you're doing?! You're not supposed to do it yet! You're just supposed to convince him!"

"When then? When do I do it?" anti-Kairi says just as angrily, not happy with being lectured at.

"When I get Kairi a heart!"

_Ha, we know where her heart is already! But I'm not gonna tell you now, you jerk._ Anti-Kairi stares at Riku loftily. "And just how are you going to do that?" she asked, interested in what he supposed would work.

"Kairi needs her heart a lot more than that puppet does."

Sora, by this time, is really confuzzled. He stands by awkwardly, getting a teensy bit jealous.

"Ooh, taking an innocent's life for your own selfish desires!" the fake Kairi is whispering. "Nice!"

"It's not like that," Riku protests, a little uncomfortable when hearing it put like that. "Anyway, uh…we're looking suspicious! So…" They both turn back to Sora, who is glaring at Riku.

"Riku," says Sora.

"Sora," says Riku.

"Fred!" says Fred, oblivious of the warning glance anti-Kairi throws him.

Riku nods at anti-Kairi, who catches the look and speaks. "Well, ha ha, I'll just leave you two men to get reacquainted and have all this lovey-dovey reunion-type stuff. See ya!" On her way out she whispers, "C'mon Francis!"

"It's Fred," the Shadow whispers back as he dashes out from his hiding spot, looking fearfully at the keyblade resting in Sora's hand.

Sora looks up. "Kairi? Come back!"

"Never mind, Sora," the runaways hear as they leave. "Now…"

Anti-Kairi and her lackey reach Monstro's mouth, and stop to catch a breath. Fred decides it's time for answers. "What was that all about? Why'd ya try and kiss him?"

"Ick!" the anorexic tosses her head. "You think I wanted to?" _Though he _is _really hot…_ "It's just a little deal we had…now c'mon! I know how we can get out!" Off she runs.

Fred hangs back for a little bit, and shakes his head. "What am I doing with such a weirdo?"

"Fiona!"

"Fred!" the Shadow answers back, but runs after the anti.

---

End of Episode Four! Hope you liked, blah blah.

And tune in next time for my personal favorite, Episode Five: Alison and Edward.

Here we will finally meet someone's significant other, "All the hotness of Sora rolled up into one big ball of evil!" Oooh ;)


	5. Edward x Alison

Whew! I love this episode! My absolute favorite! And the only reason for the teen rating is one small line near-ish the end. Ha. Well I hope you enjoy it, as we add yet another complication onto anti-Kairi's journey for Kairi's heart! A reallly long episode! Whoo! Lol. And another thing borrowed from Shrek. xD Utada Hikaru also is in here but if I was her, or owned her, I would be the awesomest person alive. But I don't. Lol. Okay, so enjoy!

---

Episode Five: Alison and Edward

Two pirates are dragging anti-Kairi, and another is holding Fred, down into the dungeons of Captain Hook's ship in Neverland.

"Let me go!" anti-Kairi shouts, kicking furiously. "I'm warning you!"

Fred, who has given in, rolls his glowing eyes. "Oh, yeah, some princess of heartless."

"I can't even tell I'm holding anything!" one pirate holding the "princess" says gleefully.

"Yeah," his companion agrees, grinning stupidly. "She's really light, non-muscular, and easy to pull around!"

"Maybe if you'd eat something…" Fred grumbles, not happy about the situation anti-Kairi has gotten them in.

Anti-Kairi isn't too happy either, especially when she's being talked about like some brand-new product. "I told you, Fabiola, I don't need to eat!" she snaps.

"Fred," the Shadow says blandly, not really expecting her to pay attention.

Suddenly anti-Kairi perks up with an idea. "Wait, if I'm so skinny…"

_Slip!_ One arm is free.

_Slip! _There goes the other one.

"Aha!" the escapee cries, going into a kung-fu pose. "Now come get me!"

But in two seconds the pirates have grabbed her again.

"Drat."

Later, in a cell, anti-Kairi sits simmering. And lo and behold, who but Riku should walk in through the door?

"Riku?" anti-Kairi stands up. "Man, I keep running into you everywhere."

Riku shushes her. "Maleficent doesn't know about the plan."

That explains his shifty look. The anti grins. "Oooh, going against her orders, are we? Very evil of you!"

Again, Riku is uncomfortable at the mention of being evil. "Stop saying that," he snaps. "It's not like that. This is important."

"Uh-huh." The anorexic puts her nonexistent hands on her nonexistent hips. "I think all this time spent with heartless is getting to you."

Riku is angry, but he controls himself. "Whatever. Let's just stick to business, okay?"

"All right," anti-Kairi says indulgently. "So Kairi is alive and well again, right?" _No._

"Uh, no. Sora messed it up and gave the puppet his heart back." Riku's voice is shockingly bitter.

_Idiot_, the anti thinks smugly, _even if you _could _give Kairi the puppet's heart, it would just be the puppet walking around in Kairi's body!_

The boy's bitter comment turns into a full-fledged rant, complete with raised arms and voices. "It's like he doesn't even care about Kairi or me anymore! Just his dumb friends and his fancy keyblade."

_Man, he's so jealous._

"Oh, look at me, I have a keyblade, because I have such a good heart, but you're bad, Riku, so very bad!" The angsty kid pauses to shake with anger.

Anti-Kairi folds her arms over her chest with a smirk. "Done venting yet?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah," Riku recovers brightly. "Well, anyway, just keep out of the way for now. I just thought you might like to meet someone."

Haha, wink wink, nudge nudge.

"Oh, really?" anti-Kairi raises her eyebrows, her interest piqued. "Who?"

"You'll see," says evil suspense-raising Riku. Even though you all probably know who it is. "Just remember," he warns, "don't let Sora see you! I'm going to try and knock some sense into him by letting him see what happened to Kairi. But if he sees you, then everything will be ruined!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." The anti waves her hand nonchalantly, and then thinks of something. "Hey…where's Frank?"

"Who?"

"My little heartless lackey that _you_ took so rudely!"

"Oh, you mean Fred," Riku nods. "He's in the next room. I didn't want eavesdroppers. Okay, see ya." He leaves, but forgets to lock the door, of course. Wink again.

Anti-Kairi stares after him, assuming that he had been patronizing her. "Oh, so _he_ knows my Shadow's name, does he? Who does he think he is? I'll roam about as I please! And Felipe is no eavesdropper. He would never betray me!"

In the next room, Fred has a chance to think about things for the first time, without the nuisance and distraction of anti-Kairi. So get ready for a sweet monologue!

"Man," Fred muses, sitting against a wall, "this is the first time I've had to think to myself. Even in that whale she never shut up. What am I doing with that idiot anyway? I never chose to be her lackey. She doesn't even care about me enough to remember my name. That hurts."

The Shadow turns over to lay on his stomach, propping his head up on his hands, and dangling his feet in the air. "It all started on those accursed islands. She swept me away before I knew what was going on. Then I kind of just went with the flow. But now that I think about it…"

Fred stands up and starts to pace angrily. "I deserve so much more than this! I'm smart enough. _She _should be serving _me_! _She's _the one who got us in that whale and on this ship!

"_I'm _a genius! As far as I know, I'm the only lesser heartless that can talk. And _I'm _just a Shadow. What good are powers if you don't have the sense to use them? Or even recognize them? Leaders are supposed to be the smart ones so they can tell the powerful ones what to do with their power!"

His mind made up, Fred contemplates how he can break away. He stops pacing and scratches—or, as well as a Shadow can scratch—his chin. "I'm probably still bound to her. There has to be some way I can break that bond…"

Oh, just getting to the juicy bits, and who but anti-Kairi barges in? "C'mon Fritz," she says dramatically, standing in the slammed-open doorway. "We've got some snooping to do!"

Bad timing, Miss Anti. Fred is still in a bitter mood. _Sure, master, whatever you say, _he thinks with a scowl on his face. _And I won't even waste my breath telling you my name is _Fred"

Anti-Kairi, however, expects differently, and is shocked at the silence. "So…I got your name right?" she asks hopefully.

_Or maybe I will_, Fred sighs, and says as patiently as he can, "No. My name. Is Fred."

Anti-Kairi is crestfallen…darn that know-it-all Riku! Who cares about names anyway? "Oh. All right then. Uh, come on, François!"

Fred sighs again, and they leave.

"So exactly what are we doing now?" the Shadow asks when they get into the hallway.

"We're gonna find out who this little visitor is," the anti answers, peeking around a corner.

"Hm?"

"Riku said he wanted me to meet someone. But just because I do a favor for him doesn't mean he can boss me around. So I'm going to see for myself."

After a bit of running around, they come to another door. "Let's check in here!" the leader of the expedition says.

The door's unlocked, and in they go. Immediately after the door shuts behind them, Riku comes by with a set of keys.

"Better lock this in case Sora gets out…you know how heroes can be," he whistles cheerfully. After doing so, he goes off attending to whatever other business he has.

Inside, anti-Kairi is startled to see Kairi, tongue lolling out of her mouth! Aw, what an angel, huh?

"Kairi!" her anti gasps.

Through the grate on the floor, a voice can be heard. "Kairi!"

"Oh, crap!" anti-Kairi cries, recognizing the keyblade master's voice. "Get out of the way, they can see us!" But in her haste to get behind a bunch of boxes, her invisible leg hits Kairi's arm and moves it. Fred sinks into the ground with that cool Shadow trick, whispering, "As long as your head's out of the way they can't see you…"

"Her arm moved!" Sora gasps. "Come on, Kairi…"

He almost sounds as if he cares. Hm. Well, let's think. Suspicious whispering between Riku and "Kairi." Kairi found unconscious on a ship with Riku. That boy wants his property back. Yup yup.

There is a long moment where all conscious people wait anxiously.

Then the silence is broken by Sora again. "Come on, let's go get her!" And the company leaves by another route.

"Phew!" anti-Kairi steps out of hiding. "Let's go!" But reaching the door, she finds…"It's locked!"

"Let me handle this," Fred says as if putting up with a very ignorant child. Which isn't too far off.

He slips under the door with his awesome Shadow powers!

"Showoff," the anti mutters. She waits for a second, and then Fred slips back under.

"Ssh!!" he warns her.

"What?"

A bunch of noisy clomp sounds approach the door, and the handle shakes a little. Then a grating, barely understandable voice announces the obvious: "It's locked!" Donald.

"Kairi…" Sora says wistfully. He's thinking of how no one will ever let him live it down if they all go back home and Riku is with Kairi.

Finally, anti-Kairi, listening at the door, nods. "They're gone, I think…"

Fred nods as well. "Let's go." He slips back under the door and unlocks it from the other side.

Anti-Kairi opens the door.

"Wait!" Fred yells, but too late…the door opens to Riku's angry face.

"Oops," the Shadow at Riku's feet apologizes sheepishly.

"Anti-Kairi…" Riku says, scolding.

Anti-Kairi laughs nervously. "Uh, hey, Riku…haha…"

"You can't just run around like that!" Riku bursts out. "If Sora sees you… He doesn't seem that worried about Kairi. The jerk… But anyway…if he sees you…"

_Man, it's hilarious listening to jealous people. _The anti smiles despite the scolding.

"…the game will be up because he knows now that Kairi doesn't have a heart anymore," Riku finishes. Then he sighs and drops it. "Well, I guess it's time for you to meet a very special guest."

"Finally!" anti-Kairi sighs, feeling very proud of herself because she conveniently doesn't realize that she just did all that snooping for nothing.

Riku leads the anti to the captain's quarters, and explains things like he's revealing a new invention. "We've managed to harness a very special heartless and confine it to one room. Behold…" And the door opens, with Riku gesturing the anorexic through it like Vanna White.

"I don't see anything," anti-Kairi mutters, looking around with hands on hips.

Suddenly a shadow rises from the floor, and anti gasps. "It's…"

"…anti-Sora!" Fred finishes, in equal amazement.

"Yo sup homies," the new guy greets them. "Call me Edward Francis VI. You must be anti-Kairi, yo."

"Um…word?" she returns confusedly.

Fred notices something. "Hey," he tells his master, "you should get your own name, too, instead of just anti-Kairi."

Anti-Kairi agrees but she's a bit distracted, studying her new acquaintance, so she says simply, "I should…"

"Dude…" the so-called Edward says. "You look like a real person."

Anti-Kairi answers shyly (wink), "Um, yeah, well, I got this nobody to make me colorful…"

"Dude, rejecting the shadow. Not cool. You must not be totally evil."

"What?!?" anti-Kairi snaps back to her old self. "I am _so _evil! Just because I like colors…"

"Whoa," anti-Sora backs off. "Hey dude, chill. It's cool. Guess it comes in, like, handy."

Riku is getting impatient. He was expecting this visit to be quick. "Anti-Kairi…" he calls from the hallway.

Anti-Kairi, still angry at the suggestion of any goodness in her, says coldly, "Well, it's been nice meeting you, but we have to go." And she leaves, just like that.

She falls in step with Riku as they head back to her cell and asks, "So is the plan off? Since Sora knows that Kairi's heartless?"

"No. I have to find Kairi a heart for it to work anyway, so I'll just let him know when I do."

_Ugh, stupid. Her heart's _inside _Sora! Don't worry, though, when I destroy Sora I will get her heart. And then I will destroy her! And you probably! But you don't know that. Muahahahaha!_

But they have reached the cell door now. "Here we are," Riku says, taking out his keys. "Now _please _stay out of the way."

Anti-Kairi goes in, but not without a dirty look at Riku before he locks the door and leaves to take Fred to his cell.

Normally she'd be cursing Riku, but now she's got something else on her mind…

"Anti-Sora…" she mutters angrily as she sits down. "He makes me sick…he's so…so…"

She stands up.

"He's so…dreamy!"

Hearts appear over her head, dancing along with the anorexic anti. "He's all the hotness of Sora rolled up into one big ball of evil!"

Then she stops self-conciously, and looks below her. "And don't you make fun of me, Ferdinand. Just because you're a formless, lowly Shadow…"

Huh…the Shadow's not there.

"What? Where is he?"

Back in the captain's quarters, Fred is hiding behind a desk.

"I have to try and break free…maybe if I get a _new_ master…and get him to release me…"

Anti-Sora, oblivious, is musing to himself across the room.

"Anti-Kairi…dude…she's got such a temper…she doesn't know how to, like, chill. She's so…so…"

His eyes light up as the hearts are back in action over his head. "…totally radical!"

He paces excitedly. "She's so hot…like that one chick…but so evil…"

Fred smirks. "Well, this is interesting."

"I should, like, totally give her something radical! If only I could, like, leave this bogus room, dude…"

"Hm," the hidden Shadow ponders a growing idea. "This decision could either bring my freedom or even worse slavery…"

"Edward" starts to sing. "Oh, anti-_Kairi_, with your hair so _fiery_, and your eyes are too…"

"Oh, what the heck," Fred shrugs, stepping out from his hiding spot. "This guy's no less an idiot than anti-Kairi. Perhaps more of an idiot, if that's possible."

"You deserve a special name of your _own_, would you mind if I called you 'Ali_son_'? Or something prettier like you…"

The singing crescendoes dramatically, going from a nice croon to a deafening yell. "_Anti-Kairi! Your hair so fiery! Your eyes blaze with rage, your face contorts, I can't look away, you can never be thwaaaaaaaaaaart! –ed._"

"Um, excuse me…" Fred winces as he approaches the lovestruck anti.

"Ah!" the anti whirls around, panicked. "Who interrupts my singing? Dude…so not cool to, like, sneak up on a dude like that."

Fred is now getting a bit nervous around his psycho speech problems, but he pushes on. "Sorry, I just, uh, heard you might need a messenger of some sort?"

"Why would I need a messenger, dude?"

The Shadow sighs. _Oy, these antis are slow._ "Well, I was _thinking_ I could deliver messages, or presents."

Anti-Sora thinks about this. "Dude… awesome! You totally rock out loud, dude!"

"Okay," Fred moves on, rolling his eyes. "So I'm _hired_, right? I _serve _you now?"

"Uh, sure dude."

"Okay. What's the first order, _master_?"

"Well…"

Meanwhile, in anti-Kairi's cell, the occupant is pretty much delirious with hearts. "I should draw a picture for him!" she says in a totally uncharacteristic, girly dreamy voice.

Fred enters. _As soon as I obey one order for him, it should work._

"Leopold!" anti-Kairi smiles widely. "What brings you here on such a fine day? Is there anything I can do for you?"

Scary.

Fred thinks so, anyway. He starts to have second thoughts. "Well…anti—I mean, Edward Francis VI sent you a message…" he stutters hesitantly.

There is a cheesy anime moment where the entire…erm…_screen _is a background of hearts, with only anti-Kairi visible. "A message? For _me_?????" she squeals.

Fred backs away from the demon hearts that have posessed her. "Um, yeah…you know…maybe I'd better go…"

The background of hearts instantly turns to angry flames, as anti-Kairi grabs Fred by the neck and screams in his face, "_Give me the message!!!_"

Fred immediately whips out a piece of paper and sings. "Anti-Kairi, with your hair so fiery, and your eyes are too…"

One hour later…

"You will rule the world"—huff huff—"all heartless will bow"—huff huff—"and I anti Sor"—huff huff—"will buy you a…"—big gasp—"_cooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"_

Ten minutes later…

"_owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!_" Finally Fred collapses.

Anti-Kairi notices nothing but the end of the music. "Aw! So beautiful! Here take him my drawing!" The hearts background returns.

"Okay…" Fred pants, intending to do no such thing. That would return ownership to anti-Kairi. "Just let me rest for a sec…"

The flames background again! "_No! Take my drawing to my hunny-bun now!!!_" Then anti-Kairi resumes her fanciful dancing amidst the hearts.

"Okay, going, going!" Fred dashes out of the room. If he can just get anti-Sora to release him now, it'll all be over…

Anti-Sora jumps Fred as soon as he walks through the door. "Yay!" he says, and then coughs. "I mean…awesome, dude…" Hearts tango over his head.

"Um…I think I'm going to have to stop carrying messages…I need you to…ahem, release me…"

Anti-Sora quiets disappointedly, and the hearts disappear. Then he says menacingly, "But little dude…you're not saying, you want to, like, totally rip on me, dude? Cause I might get really psycho, and that would be, like, bogus for you, dude." He uses his powers, and soon Fred is floating upside-down in the air, whimpering. Poor Fred.

The drawing falls out of the mysterious pockets that fictional people always have, and the Edward Francis VI's hearts reappear as he pounces for it. Fred falls to the floor with a thud.

The drawing is of anti-Kairi and anti-Sora, labeled "Alison" and "Edward Francis VI", in shadow form and standing side-by-side on a huge mountain covered with little Shadow servants…there are crowns on the antis' heads, signifying their rule over the world.

"Radical!" Edward cries with delight. "Dude, she is totally awesome! Dude take a new message!"

Fred trudges through the hallway, panting. "I'm starting to regret this…"

Riku appears! That guy loves to show up at random times. "Fred! What are you doing here?" he asks. He's always taken a little bit of liking to that cute little Shadow.

Fred just collapses. "Oy…carrying…messages…between…antis…so…tired…" he gasps.

Riku crosses his arms. "We'll see about that…"

And he walks off. Fred mutters pitifully, "Okay…I'll just be here…waiting…alone…"

Riku walks into anti-Kairi's cell and is greeted with the scariest thing he's ever seen in his life…even scarier than the real Kairi's giggle.

The hearts are swarming over anti-Kairi and she is working on a new drawing. She looks up at her visitor. "Hello, Riku! How are you doing? I hope you're having a wonderfuliferous day! Wanna see my drawing? I hope he'll like it."

Riku stops in his tracks. "Uh, yeah, uh…what drugs did you find in here?"

No! Not the cheesy heart background! Again! "I didn't find any in here…it's in the captain's quarters…I found anti-Sora…I mean, Edward Francis VI…" she starts to pirouette dreamily, surrounded by hearts.

"Uh…is this a bad time?" Riku turns halfway to the door.

"No, it's a great time! Whatcha need?"

"Uh, I just wanted to know what was going on…but now I know I guess…"

"I love Edward!!" anti-Kairi bursts out. "I want to kiss him!" But as she cannot do that at that moment, she kisses her drawing instead, apparently of anti-Sora. "Mwa mwa mwa!"

"I see…" Riku is thoroughly weirded out, but he can't help thinking… _Yeah, of course, the Kairis always go for the Soras. I wonder how she'd act around an anti-Riku. Probably ignore him, because anti-Sora always has to be a stupid showoffy jerk._

"Um," he says after a while. "We're gonna get moving. Sora's gone, and we have to go after him. Oh, and Maleficent will be coming, so make yourself scarce. She really wants to either control or destroy you, and that wouldn't do, now would it?"

Anti-Kairi isn't listening. She's too busy toppling over from an attempt at an arabesque.

"Anti-Kairi…" Riku pokes one of the hearts nervously, as if it was contagious…and every heart pops one by one.

Now that the evil things are gone, the anti is back to her senses. "My name's Alison," she says coldly. "Now what'd you do that for???"

"Did you hear what I said, _Alison_?"

"Alison" tosses her head confidently. "Yeah, yeah, Maleficent Schmeficent. I'll be fine." She looks around. "Now, where's…um…well, where's my Shadow?"

"Oh, uh…"

In the hallway, Fred lies on his back singing apathetically. "I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me…"

Anti-Kairi bursts into the hallway. "Come on, Fidel, we've got one last call to make!"

_She's normal again…oh, thank you, thank you, _thank you.

They make their way to the captain's quarters. "Edward?" Alison calls softly.

"Alison!"

The two rush to meet each other, and embrace. Aw, evil love…

"And Fred…" Fred can't resist chiming in. But this time he just feels out of his place. So he shuts up.

Anti-Kairi pulls out of the hug slowly, but holds onto her beloved's hands. "I have to go, Edward…"

"You do? Bogus, dude."

"You can't come with me, can you?"

"No…that chick Maleficent has, like, too much flippin' power over me."

Anti-Kairi drops his hands and turns away dramatically. "Alas, yes. And I cannot stay, for she has sworn to conquer or destroy me."

Anti-Sora tries the drama out himself. "Alas, we must, like, totally keep our radical love secret, dude." Well, heh, heh…at least he tried…

Riku runs in, spoiling the moment. "Hurry up, guys, Maleficent's coming."

But the two are too busy gazing into each other's eyes.

Riku sighs and pulls anti-Kairi towards the door. The antis grasp hands desperately as the both slide together. But they pause at the door…the force field Maleficent created keeps anti-Sora from leaving.

Anti-Kairi realizes what will happen. "Edward…just remember, I'm always with you. I'll come back to you, I promise!"

Anti-Sora realizes it, too, as the strength in their hands weakens from the opposite pulls of the force field and Riku's grip.

"I know you will…dude!"

And they let go. Utada Hikaru makes an appearance and sings mournfully her song "Hikari," or "Simple and Clean," whichever you prefer.

---

End of Episode Five! Sound familiar? ;P

Well, I hope you blah blah you know the rest.

Oh, and Fred's plan wouldn't have really worked anyway. So don't feel bad for him! .

Next time…

Episode Six: Fred's Escape!

"I don't think you can own another heartless when you're serving one…"

Gasp! O


	6. Fred's Escape

Anyways! Here we have an important episode. So read it! Hee-hee.

Episode Six: Fred's Escape

---

We are in Hollow Bastion, in gigantic pit with all the water and the ice platforms. Fred is hiding behind a rock.

"If I hide long enough," he whispers to himself, "maybe she'll forget about me and I can escape."

Anti-Kairi is standing nearby, oblivious to the presence of her servant. She is too busy gazing up at the castle in wonder.

"This is it," she says to herself. "This is what will decide my future."

An evil expression crosses her face. "Whether I destroy Sora and his friends…"

Then she looks annoyed. "Whether I find that Shadow whose name I can't remember anymore…"

Fred shrinks back further into the shadows as hearts appear over anti-Kairi's head again. "Whether Edward and I can be together without fear…"

Then she is back to normal. "What will become of me?" she asks aloud. Then she shakes her head and resumes her evil face. "Wow, I'm starting to sound like some mushy-gushy goody two-shoes! Let's just get up there!"

She hops up the platforms until she reaches one just out of sight of the big platform that leads the way to the castle.

"Oh! What's that?" anti-Kairi whispers. And of course, Sora and Riku are conversing on the big platform while Donald and Goofy stand by.

"Ha-ha! I have the keyblade now!" Riku is crowing triumphantly. And indeed, the keyblade is in his hands, while Sora is kneeling in despair before him.

"Riku…" Sora says weakly. I guess he was speechless with anger at having his buddy best him once again.

Donald looks between them both. "Well, he has the key," he squawks. "See ya, sucker!" Then he and Goofy follow Riku to the castle.

Eventually Sora takes up his wooden sword and ventures after them, which leaves anti-Kairi free to jump onto the big platform and muse over the events.

"_Very _interesting. So Sora's vulnerable now and Riku's got the keyblade… Ha! Even his friends left him! Now's my chance to destroy him!"

Much later, inside a room in the castle, Fred is still hiding, while anti-Kairi looks around.

"Drat!" says Fred. "Still couldn't break free…"

Anti-Kairi sits down for a little bit and sighs. "Whew! Made it! Man, this castle is confusing. At least _I _didn't have to worry about heartless, though. Ha-ha, Sora, I can just ambush you right here, while you're all weak from fighting all those heartless out there!"

But who else but Riku shows up to ruin her plans? Yep, Riku appears, but this time in his ugly purple outfit with the luau skirt. "Anti-Kairi," he says simply when he sees her.

"Riku!" anti-Kairi gasps, though by now actually pretty used to Riku randomly showing up everywhere. "Nice outfit." (That was sarcastic, obviously.) "You _are _spending too much time with the heartless. Wait…are you…?"

Riku ignores her in a weirdly calm, robotic manner that is not his. "Leave Sora alone," he says. "Kairi will have her heart again soon…her _own _heart, that is in Sora. Then you will execute the plan."

_Took ya a while to figure that out_, anti-Kairi thinks, a bit confused at this new Riku. "Oh, really?" she says aloud. "And since when have you been my master?"

"Trust me. Do this and I will leave Kairi for you."

"And Sora?" anti-Kairi says suspiciously.

"Well, considering we have to get Kairi's heart out of him…"

"I see…still…"

Anti-Kairi leans in to look closely at his face, trying to see what he's thinking. Riku stands there impassively, his face totally blank. Finally Riku speaks.

"You know, I have the keyblade now. I could easily destroy you."

Anti-Kairi backs up quickly. "Hey now! I never said I wouldn't do it! No need to get violent…"

"Okay." Riku walks a bit away, his business concluded. "Now go. I must free Kairi's heart, so the door may be opened."

Anti-Kairi is still backing up slowly, deeper into the castle, too nervous to ask any questions that might get her impaled with a key. "Okay, okay, I'm goin', I'm goin'…"

Finally, once she's safely behind a pillar around the corner, she stops to reflect. "Man, what's up with him? …Duh. He's a heartless now, no doubt about it. Ha! Sucker! …Still, now he's not as easy to push around. And he's a pretty strong heartless…strong enough to keep his shape. Wait a sec…can a heartless wield the keyblade? Grr! So many problems going against me! What can I do?"

Well, she's not completely on-the-mark about what's up with Riku, but close enough. She turns to leave, when she hears Sora's voice.

"Riku!"

Immediately anti-Kairi stops and peers around the corner, both curious and seething with anger, with the thought that _she _was the one who would've been ambushing that twerp.

The familiar scene occurs. Donald and Goofy are now with Riku, and Sora is talking to them. Then the fight starts.

"Crap!" anti-Kairi exclaims. "His friends joined him again! I hope Riku knows what he's doing…wait, what am I talking about? I'm a princess of heartless! I can _control _him!"

Anti-Kairi slips back behind her pillar to think about this interesting idea. That is, until Sora and co. rush by her, luckily not noticing her.

This snaps her back into attention. "What? They won? That incompetent weakling. He _needs _me to control him!" She peers a bit closer at the retreating trio. "And Sora got his keyblade back!"

When Sora finally disappears, anti-Kairi starts to run after them…but is stopped by Riku.

"Anti-Kairi." This is becoming his usual greeting.

The anti feels a bit braver now that she's observed weakness. "It's Alison, first of all," she states, her tone firm and controlling. "Now what's this about a door? And why did you just lose?"

The new Riku actually shows a tinge of emotion—embarrassment. "Hey. The keyblade just decided to help out the weakling. Otherwise I would've crushed him."

Anti-Kairi rolls her eyes. "Whatever. And the 'door'?"

"The door to Kingdom Hearts. It can only be opened with the hearts of the seven princesses of heart. Kairi is one of them, as I'm sure you know."

"Ah, I see...So, what do I do for now, then?" _Now, obey me…_

"Asking for orders?" Riku raises his eyebrows. "That's not like you."

_Do a __back flip…_ "Well, I just wanna get this over with, but you keep dragging it out!" Anti-Kairi accuses, but a bit distractedly.

Riku shrugs. "Just go on ahead until you see a big room with a big heartless insignia. That's the door. Kairi will be there. Hurry up; you need to get there before Sora does."

Anti-Kairi barely processes the information, as she is busy staring at Riku intently. _Call me the awesomest heartless ever…_

Riku waits.

_Buy me a cow like Edward would've done…_

Riku starts tapping his foot impatiently.

Anti-Kairi starts getting upset and thinks more vehemently, _Throw yourself off the tallest tower…_

"Are you going to leave?" Riku says finally.

Anti-Kairi, startled, stammers out, "Oh, uh, yeah, just uh, getting rested…" An idea pops into her head. "And staring at your beautiful face…"

"Don't try that crap on me," Riku warns in disgust. "Now go!"

Well, so much for that idea. Anti-Kairi leaves, muttering, "Stupid dumb Riku…"

When anti-Kairi is gone, Riku speaks to himself. "You know, I don't have to do this, Riku. But I know how much you want it, that little plan you made with this anti so long ago…" But inside, not Riku actually, but you-know-who knows the real reason for continuing Riku's original plan… _We really need to get Kairi away from Sora…_

Meanwhile, in the big room, anti-Kairi stumbles across Kairi, unconscious on the platform before the "door."

"Kairi!" the anti squeals with delight. _Now's my chance. I hide her now, and when Sora's heart is released…it's feasting time!_

But a voice stops her. "Don't even think about it, _Alison_!"

Anti-Kairi turns around quickly to see Riku, and is disgruntled again by this guy's forever untimely appearances. "What?" she says innocently. "Think about what? I wasn't thinking about anything!"

"Don't lie to me," Riku glares. "I saw that thought bubble, and it's obvious what was in it."

Okay, sorry for the cheesiness. Not really. Ha-ha.

Fred, in the meantime, is hiding behind the stairs leading to the "door." "Yeesh," he observes, "the way he's bossing her around…wait a sec!"

Anti-Kairi curses Riku silently.

Riku is unphased. "Whatever you're thinking about me in there, think about it in a good hiding spot."

So the anti goes to sit behind the stairs, unaware of Fred just behind her. She is much too busy boiling with anger.

Fred sees his master and panics. "Uh-oh! She can't see me now, not when I'm so close…But she didn't see me." The Shadow sighs, relieved, and continues whispering. "Whew. Now I can leave, hopefully. I don't think you can control another heartless when you're serving one."

It's worth a shot, though just in case (since really that wouldn't work either), Fred tiptoes past anti-Kairi carefully…and then he trips over her invisible arm.

"Ah!" he exclaims. "Oof."

Anti-Kairi, to his horror, turns around and glares.

"Um…hello," Fred grins uncertainly. _Stupid invisible anorexic…_

But anti-Kairi merely throws him a mean glance and whispers, "Watch it punk!" Then she turns around to watch the platform.

…_Hey,_ Fred thinks suddenly with joy. _She doesn't remember me. _He jumps up and clicks his heels together ecstatically. "I'm free!"

Anti-Kairi turns back around quickly. "Ssh!!"

_Muahahaha! Now I shall recruit a heartless army, and I shall take over this castle as my headquarters!_ Fred plans, ignoring his old master.

The anti sees the huge thought bubble and glares. "What're you thinking about, punk?"

_Oh, watch it. I'm starting to sound like Ms. 'Alison' here. _Fred clears his throat and answers, "Nothing much. See ya!" Out he goes, to freedom! Yay for Fred!

Anti-Kairi rolls her eyes and turns back around just in time to see Sora, Donald, and Goofy rush into the room.

"Riku!" Sora exclaims, and then… "…Kairi!"

Then, as they start to fight, anti-Kairi notices: "Hey…Riku's got a keyblade, too! Does nothing make sense anymore?!" But then it's fight fight clash clash…anti-Kairi waits impatiently, until, finally, Riku is defeated, and Sora turns Riku's new keyblade on himself.

Having paid attention to their conversation, anti-Kairi comments. "A keyblade that unlocks hearts…interesting. But he turned it on himself! What an idiot!"

Shiny shiny flash flash…and Kairi has awakened! However, Sora has disappeared.

Riku stands before the door and raises his hands evilly. "The door is open!" he cackles. "Now the heartless will be stronger!"

The heartless pour out, and Donald and Goofy run out of the room, scared now that they can't use the excuse of being bodyguards to have someone with a keyblade protect them. They are eventually followed by Kairi, who has no clue what is going on and only knows that there are a bunch of scary monsters running towards them.

Riku approaches anti-Kairi. "Now, the plan…" Then he stops mid-sentence. "Oh, um, Sora's a heartless now. So that would mean…"

Anti-Kairi stares at him, amazed at his stupidity, and Riku shrugs. "Well, that was easy."

I can't resist…he must press the easy button! "That was easy," the button echoes.

_What a bozo,_ anti-Kairi thinks.

"Well, then, I guess I don't need you after all," Riku sighs. "You may go."

The anti stands there for a minute, shaking with rage, and then she leaves quickly with an angry "Ugh! 'You may go.' He's so annoying! Dragging me all over just to tell me to do nothing. I'm never helping a human again. Well, now I can get down to business." She looks around as she exits the room. "Now where'd Kairi go? _Ugh! I want her heart_!"

After going through several rooms, anti-Kairi is close to the room where Riku first lost to Sora. "Man, I can't believe this," she mutters. "Now I have to go through that entire maze again…"

Not paying attention, she bumps straight into a running Shadow…it's little Sora the heartless! Awww!

Sora runs off, and anti-Kairi picks herself back up to yell at him. "Watch it, punk! Yeesh, annoying Shadows…"

In another room, Sora and Fred run straight into each other. But Fred is much calmer about it. "Oof," he says simply. "Hey, punk, watch it."

Sora starts to run again, but Fred stops him. "Hey, what's the big hurry, punk? Chill, I'm gonna ask you something."

Sora stops.

"Thank you. Now, you look like a pretty strong dude. Maybe even smart."

Sora just stares, showing no sign of comprehension.

"And, well, a guy like you deserves more than just blindly running after hearts out of instinct. Do you even know why you desire hearts so much?"

Sora starts to daydream about a unicorn and a butterfly and a pretty rainbow.

"Well, I do know. So, join me. We'll take over the castle, we'll conquer all the worlds, and we'll feast on hearts every day, and even more, because you'll be under a smart leader who can reason things out and accomplish more than you've ever dreamed. Whaddya say, little Shadow?"

The unicorn sprouts fangs and eats the butterfly, its blood leaking out into a gruesome puddle, and the rainbow turns into a storm cloud to form an evil picture.

Cheesy anime flames background again! "_Will you just answer me?!_" Fred yells.

Sora's thought bubble cracks and falls into pieces on the floor. Ah, I love being cheesy. Ha-ha.

Fred calms down and thinks, _Hey, cool, I did the flame thing_. "So, what's your answer?"

Sora pauses for a moment.

Then he runs away.

"Wait!" Fred calls, and then he sighs. "Not again."

Meanwhile, anti-Kairi has reached the pillar from before. "Here I am again," she says, and then notices a hubbub in the room. She peers around the corner once again to see Kairi just entering and noticing Goofy and Donald.

"Hi ebuillibody!" Kairi yells obnoxiously, apparently having forgotten that they were being chased by tons of killer heartless. "Where's Sora? I still owe him a smoochie!"

"Um…" Donald says, unwilling to spill the bad news to Sora's girlfriend.

Sora runs into the room! Yay!

"Aw, there's my teddy bear again!" Kairi exclaims happily.

"I'll save you, Kairi!" Donald yells, and does the bravest thing he's ever done. _Bonk! _goes his pitiful staff on the Shadow's head.

Kairi pushes Donald out of the way and yells angrily, "Don't hurt my teddy bear, you big meanie!" She picks up Sora and hugs him. "Aw, you poor guy…"

Shiny shiny flash flash! Kairi is bewildered until…Sora appears in human form again! Aw, darn…I mean, um, yay!

Kairi releases Sora to throw her hands up in jubilation. "Sora!"

"Kairi!"

They hug again, Sora with a smug face. _Ha-ha, Riku, she's mine._

When they finally let go of each other, Kairi laughs happily. "So _you_ were the teddy bear the whole time! What a great surprise! I always _knew _you were magic!"

Sora doesn't quite get it, but my guess is he's used to Kairi's blather about nothing. "Uh…yeah…teddy bear…Hey, you're not anorexic anymore!"

Kairi stops. "Whaddya mean I'm not anorexic anymore?" she asks, totally confused.

Luckily for anti-Kairi, Donald interrupts…well, maybe it's not lucky for everyone's poor ears, but hey.

"Come on, guys, we can't stay here, the heartless are stronger!"

"We'll talk later," Sora says, grabbing Kairi's arm. "Let's go!"

"Where are we going?"

"Traverse Town."

As they leave, no one notices that Riku…okay, we all know that Riku's been out of the picture for a while, so we'll just say Ansem. Anyway, Ansem has appeared and is watching them evilly. "Traverse Town, huh?" he says.

Anti-Kairi doesn't notice Riku either. "Finally! I'm getting out of here!" she declares impatiently, and she runs out.

Ansem blocks her way. "Anti-Kairi," he says, as per usual.

Anti-Kairi still doesn't get the whole Ansem-controls-Riku thing, and since Ansem still hasn't discarded his disguise… "Riku!" she yells, absolutely through with this annoying dude. "Move it! You don't need me anymore, and I'm getting out of here!"

"No, anti-Kairi. Sora is back somehow. So you need to—"

Flames! "_Don't tell me what I need to do! I'm through helping you humans!_"

_Crap,_ Riku thinks quickly. _What now? I have to get Sora away from Kairi…um, so you can be with Kairi, Riku. Ha-ha, of course. But we need both antis for it to work…wait a second…anti-Sora!_

"Besides," anti-Kairi says smugly, "you don't have the real keyblade anymore. The one you have won't hurt me. So you can't threaten me!" Yeah, that's right, Ansem, take that!

Ansem smiles evilly. "What if I gave you something you treasure very dearly…anti-Sora!"

This makes anti-Kairi stop immediately. _Edward? Okay, Alison. Don't appear too eager. This is business. This worm will trick you into slavery for nothing if you don't think clearly. _She clears her throat. "Ahem. Isn't Maleficent controlling him?" she says, smiling with how clever she was.

"Maleficent is dead."

"_What?!? _Why didn't you tell me before?! I'm coming sweetie!!" The anti pushes past Ansem and starts running out of the castle.

"Wait!"

Anti-Kairi turns around, absolutely out of patience. "I'm not helping you! Get it through your head!"

"Then I guess you won't be seeing your little boyfriend again. Because, of course, _I'm _controlling him now."

_Of course he is. Idiot. Ugh, he's got me there. _Anti-Kairi thinks, but can find no way around it. "Fine. I help you, and you release Edward. Oh, _and _you start calling us by our names. I'm Alison. He's Edward Francis VI. Now let's shake on it and head to Traverse Town."

Ansem smiles. _Wow, tough bargain, let me tell ya. _"What's a handshake gonna do?" he laughs derisively, and green fire appears around them both, and then disappears. "_There's _how you seal a heartless deal. Now we're both incapable of eating hearts unless it is part of the deal. This holds until it's carried out. Now to the gummi ship!"

---

End of Episode Six! Hope you…snore

Now, some explaining if you didn't already get it. Since Ansem is a heartless, the heartless deal thing works. But since anti-Kairi was concentrating on _Riku _instead of _Ansem_, she couldn't control him. And I'm not sure if she could even control Ansem if she had known, considering he's so powerful…but she _is _a princess of heart. wink

Well, if I ever get to working some more on the second volume, the one about anti-Sora, then I might answer that question. But for now…

If you didn't get anything else, just ask…but I think I explained it all. Ha-ha.

Anyway! Next episode…we are approaching the end!

Episode Seven: Chaos Set In Motion

"Let's just stick to paopu fruit, okay?"


	7. Chaos Set In Motion

Well. Maybe…maybe…we're gonna make a movie out of this, and put it on Youtube. Ha, how awesome would that be? That is, if it's not totally stupid. But hopefully it won't be. Heck, I can't judge my own work, why do you think I have this account? Lol.

Oh, and before I start, I have decided, thanks to a very helpful review, that I shall follow the advice, keep this story, and just fix it up a bit. And I'm sorry if I sounded whiny last time. Oy, sometimes I can be very stupid. xD

Wells, from now on I shall refer to the whole Ansem/Riku duo as Riku, unless I feel the need to stress Ansem's Ansemy-ness. -nod-

The plan is revealed in this chapter! Though you may have guessed it already. -wink-

---

Anyways! Here, as promised, is Episode Seven: Chaos Set in Motion!

In Traverse Town, the secret waterway place in the Second District…

"Okay, Kairi," Sora says to his girlfriend, curious at what has caused her most recent spouting of nonsense. "You've got some splainin' to do. What's this about a teddy bear?"

"Me explain?" Kairi gasps, taking Sora's amusement for an accusation. "You're the one who's talking about me being anorexic!"

Sora rolls his eyes. What is wrong with this girl? "Well, _yeah_, 'cause you vowed not to eat until you found me!" Of course, who wouldn't do that for Sora?

Kairi doesn't know. "What?" she laughs. "Who'd do something dumb like that?"

Uh-oh. She's touched a nerve on Sora's pride.

Meanwhile, in the adjoining room that leads to Merlin's house, Riku/Ansem and anti-Kairi are spying on the reunited pair. And hey, look at that…she's not anorexic anymore! Gasp!

"See?" Riku smirks, looking proudly on the result of his coaxing and persuading. "A healthy diet and good exercise makes a healthy weight!"

Anti-Kairi rolls her eyes, not willing to admit that she feels very happy about herself now. "Whatever," she says.

Riku, the _real _Riku, has been learning to control his body again just a teensy bit, though now he only has the strength to influence a bit of Ansem's thinking. And at this moment one thought disturbs Ansem greatly.

_She's so hot now that she's not anorexic…_

_You idiot! _Ansem retorts, Riku's face blushing a bit. _She looks exactly like Kairi!_

_Well, maybe if it doesn't work out with the real Kairi… Then you could have anti-Kairi, since she's evil._

_What? What are you talking about? _Riku's face blushes so much that anti-Kairi is confused. _Why would I want…what…where the heck did you get that idea?!_

_Oh, come on, you think she's hot, too!_

Oh, dear. Well, you invade Riku's mind, Ansem, and he'll invade yours.

"You're the one who's talking about me being anorexic!" Kairi's shrill, grating voice comes in just feet away, on the other side of the wall.

Riku panics. "Uh-oh! Crap! What do we do? He's gonna find out and ruin everything!"

"Ahem…" anti-Kairi smiles.

Back in the main room, Sora glares at Kairi, furious at the suggestion that he's not important enough to starve for. Suddenly, the two both explode.

"Dumb, huh?! Well, I'll tell you--"

"You're just being--"

"Sora!"

That annoying duck's voice invades the waterway from outside. "Time to go!" It yells.

All is quiet for a moment. Then, Sora, with a miffed expression on his face, turns to leave. "I'll see you later, Kairi," he mutters.

In the hidden room…Riku sighs with relief. "Whew. That couldn't have been luckier."

His cohort rolls her eyes. "Yeah. Really lucky to have _me _with you."

"What?" Riku laughs. "Yeah, right. I'll be relieved when I don't have to drag you around anymore."

"Oh, really? And who would've saved your butt just now without me? Donald Duck?"

"Um, _yeah_."

Anti-Kairi closes her eyes and shakes her head, smiling.

Riku loses his patience. "Oh, come on, ant--Alison. What are you playing at? Are you trying to make up for almost crashing the gummi ship? Because it's not working. I have no clue what you're trying to get at here."

Then Sora's voice comes from behind him! "Okay, Riku, for one thing, she didn't do that. That was you. And for another thing, this voice is none other than Alison!"

Riku immediately whirls around. "What the…?"

But nobody's there. Riku looks everywhere, panicked. "Where is he?!"

Anti-Kairi sighs. This guy really is an idiot after all. "Nowhere. 'Cause that wasn't him. What did I _just _tell you?"

Finally, Riku gets the picture. He stares at the anti levelly for a moment, and then speaks. "Since when have you been a ventriloquist?"

The anti shrugs. "It was a long ride on the way here."

In the meantime, just outside the waterway area, in the alleyway…

"Oh, come on, you should join me!" Fred the Shadow says to a Large Body, aka Fatso.

"Grr…" Fatso says menacingly.

Fred holds up his hands and backs away. "Okay, okay, see ya!" And off he goes, into the secret place.

Inside, he notices Kairi, crying a little bit. "Sora…" she mutters brokenly.

Then: "Kairi!" Riku enters.

"Riku!" gasps Kairi.

"Fred…" Riku glares.

_Fr--oh, darn, he beat me to it, _thinks the Shadow. _Wait a sec…he saw me! Uh-oh…this can't be good._

"Who's Fred?" Kairi asks.

"Oh, uh, no one, just saying random names, haha…"

"Oh…kay…" Then Kairi notices Riku's new evil outfit. "Ew, what's with the outfit?" she states tactlessly. "That's terrible fashion sense, Riku. You know, that's why I don't date you. I mean, come on, what's with the pants you normally wear? And your shoes? Not near as big as Sora's. You know, clown shoes are all the rage. But you just don't seem to keep up, do you?"

Fred chuckles at Riku's obvious pain. _I worked forever on this outfit,_ Ansem thinks inside him. And aloud he says coldly, "Is that the only reason you don't date me?"

"Hmm…Come to think of it, yeah, pretty much. I mean, you're such a sexy bad boy, but Sora's so sweet and sensitive. I like either."

Riku's thoughts pervade again. _You mean Sora is girly and lame._

_Shut up, you silly little boy._

"Well," Riku says, a bit of his anger showing, "if you picked out my clothes for me, would you…uh…"

_Crap, how do these kids say it?_

_Oh, come on, old geezer._

But Kairi anticipates the question. She's been asked too many times before. "No. I'm not dumb enough to think that Sora and I will never fight. Though I don't know what's up with him. But, no, I won't go out with you.

_Really_, Fred thinks. _You seem pretty dumb to me._

But he's interrupted by anti-Kairi sneaking through the room while Kairi is distracted. "Move it, Shadow!" she hisses.

And Fred moves, exulting in how he can walk right by her without a second thought.

And Ansem has learned a new phrase. _That's right, "go out." Hm, interesting…_

But Riku is miffed to the extreme, and he spits out the words before Ansem can. "Oh, yeah! Well, at least I won't cheat on you like Sora is doing! _Right at this very moment!_"

Gasp. Kairi stares at Riku in shock. Then she hisses, hot tears trickling from her eyes, "He wouldn't! Don't you ever say that again, you desperate, pathetic freak!"

Fred and anti-Kairi (who is waiting for a cue, and so has not yet left) are really enjoying this pick-on-Riku-fest. After all, he deserves it, with the pain-in-the-neck he's been.

"I'll prove it to you!" the real Riku continues, Ansem unable to control his rage. "They have a date in the café tonight at seven!" He coughs a bit.

"Gotcha!" anti-Kairi whispers, and then off she goes, leaving her old servant confused.

"Fine!" Kairi shouts. "I'll be there, and then we'll see what a lying jerk you are!"

She turns to storm out, but Riku stops her. "Wait! Uh…come with me. Just as friends. Okay? I, uh…"

With a malicious grin he picks Fred up out of the shadows and holds it out for Kairi. "I'll give you this teddy bear!"

"Meep…" says Fred.

Kairi is overjoyed, and her anger disappears. "For me?!?"

"This'll teach you," Riku whispers to the poor Shadow. "You're just a lesser heartless. You are only to follow a master's bidding, even if it's one as dumb as anti-Kairi."

"Well, it's not as good as a magic black teddy bear that's really Sora but okay," Kairi says brightly, and takes Fred. "Yay!"

"Joy…" says Fred.

"I'll name you Bob."

"Fred…"

The girl ignores him and turns to Riku. "Now pick me and Bob up at 6:45. Don't be late! We'll be here!"

"Why?" the Shadow asks the heavens, near tears to be back in this girl's clutches. "Why?"

But Riku and Ansem both are feeling very muahahaha at his fate. "Yeah, see ya," Riku cackles.

Nearby, somewhere in the Second District…

"Donald…were you calling me?" Sora yells.

"Sora! Sora!" On runs anti-Kairi.

But this is the last person Sora wants to see. "Kairi," he says simply, in a tone that warns her to stay away.

"Erm…" It's back to improvising again. "Uh…I'm sorry, Sora. I just didn't want people to know I was anorexic. You know what people would think."

"So? You shouldn't be ashamed of doing something for me." The jerk.

Time for the secret weapon. Anti-Kairi grins. "Well, _your_ image would have been affected, too." She gossips to an imaginary girlfriend. " 'Oh, look at Sora, he's dating an anorexic!'"

Sora gasps, and then thinks. He decides to quickly forget the whole thing. "Oh, well, heh, I guess it's okay, then."

Anti-Kairi snickers.

"Well, okay, I have to go." Sora turns to leave.

"Wait!"

Sora turns around, and anti-Kairi looks her sweetest.

"Could you have a dinner with me before you go? Just in case you die while you're gone?"

_Die?!? gulp _"Um…haha…uh, sure. How about--"

"Seven at the café?"

"Uh, sure…so I'll--"

"Okay, meet you there, see ya!"

And the impostor is gone, leaving Sora very confuzzled.

6:46 p.m., outside the waterway place…

"Kairi!" Riku calls, and in he goes, finding a very angry date.

"You're late! We still need to find you decent clothes!"

"Please save me…" Fred beseeches.

Riku sighs as Kairi goes on and on.

"Blah blah blah"

"You think you've got it bad," the Shadow says.

6:55 p.m.

"Blah blah blah!"

Riku finally loses patience. "All right, can we go?"

And the storm is clear. "Okay!" Kairi says happily.

Fred sighs.

7:05 p.m.

At the café…

Anti-Kairi is looking panicked around the café as Sora looks at his menu. "Where are they?!?"

Outside a Second District shop, Riku is wearing gangster clothes!

_This feels so wrong, _he moans, thoroughly humiliated.

"Yay!" Kairi smiles. "You look great! Let's go!"

"Oh, no," Fred sighs, who himself is in a baby bonnet.

At the café, anti-Kairi sees the three finally approaching. "Um, Sora?" she says sweetly. "Why don't you turn out the lights? It's more romantic."

Sora shrugs. "'Kay." He extinguishes two candles with Blizzard magic.

The first one lights back up, and Sora turns back to it. "Gah!"

The second one lights back up. "Gah! Stupid candles!"

Anti-Kairi lets her head fall on the table. "Ugh…"

Riku, a little ways away, groans. "Stupid anti-Kairi! The candles are still lit! They'll recognize us!"

"Come on!" Kairi yells. "There it is! Let's go!" She pulls Riku and runs to the café.

Anti-Kairi, meanwhile, sighs. Sora has been extinguishing the same two candles for the past minute. "I guess I'd better do it myself…" Green fire engulfs every candle, and they all go out at once.

_There. Idiot. _"Yay, Sora, you did it!"

Sora, confused, looks around, and then remembers there's a hot girl who thinks he did something awesome. "Uh…yeah! Of course I did! I'm awesome, aren't I?"

Riku, relieved, approaches the café without fear, and takes a table behind a pillar, advising Kairi, "We'd better sit where they can't see us so Sora doesn't catch us spying on him."

A waiter comes to their table. "Whaddya want, punks?" he growls, completely oblivious to the fact that his candles have all gone out.

"Nothing," Riku says.

"No!" whines Kairi. "I'm hungry!"

"Ssh!" Riku whispers quickly. "Okay, fine, order something!"

Sora turns around in his chair. "What was that? It sounded like you."

_Stupid Riku_. Anti-Kairi laughs, hitting the annoying Kairi giggle perfectly. "What are you talking about? It's nothing. You're not going crazy, are you?"

So Sora says nothing. There's no way people can think he's crazy.

Eventually, Kairi gets her spaghetti and shovels it into her mouth.

"Could you stop eating for a sec to watch Sora?" Riku says exasperatedly.

"I'm hungry!"

Fred tugs on Riku's uber-long gangster chain. "Please, Riku, save me…"

Finally Kairi is finished, though food still covers her chin and mouth. "Okay, I'm done," she says. "Now what do you want--" Still holding her spaghetti-filled fork, she turns around…

There are the silhouettes of Sora and some chick sitting together! Who can mistake that big spiky hair? Gasp!!!

Kairi waves her fork around angrily, and spaghetti flies off. "Why the little--!"

"Ssh!!"

"There it was again. What was that?" There's no missing it this time. Sora won't be fooled.

_Sorry, Edward, but if I'm ever gonna see you again…_ The situation is too desperate. "Kiss me, Sora!" anti-Kairi cries, and launches herself onto his face.

Kairi has her eyes closed, trying to convince herself, "No, it can't be. It's just a friend…"

But eyes open, and she sees…Sora and that evil chick kissing! Double-triple-gasp!!!

"Waaah!! Come on, Riku!" Kairi bursts out crying and drags Riku headlong away from the café.

_Yes,_ Riku thinks as he's being whisked across the streets. _Sora out, Riku in. Ah, tears flying in my eyes. Ow!_

What? I couldn't resist. Haha.

And back at the café, anti-Kairi knows it's safe to pull away.

"Ick," Sora says calmly, wiping his mouth. "What was that for?"

Anti-Kairi goes quickly from relief to rage. "Whaddya mean, 'what was that for'?!"

"You're a really bad kisser. Let's just stick to paopu fruit, okay?"

The anti is speechless with anger.

Sora shrugs. "Okay, well, see ya." He leaves.

And anti-Kairi can only stare after him, seething.

Later…

At the café, everyone has left. Well, everyone except…

"They just left me here…" Fred mutters pitifully.

Then he stands up and rips off the bonnet. "Yes! Later suckers!"

He walks off, triumphant, but there is something beeping on his backside…

Something that says, "Tracking Device. Property of Kairi."

---

DUM DUM DUM!!!

Just random notes I thought of while typing this:

Haha. Miffed miffed miffed. I love that word. :P

Hm. If Riku really had had a heart attack, that would've sucked. Then Riku would've died, and it wasn't even his fault, it was stinky Ansem's for controlling him and making him do evil things. nod

I do not want to go into the horrors Fred experienced while in the hands of Kairi… shudder

Anyways! Erm…next is the last episode! Like, oh-my-gawsh! Aren't you excited?!? I sure am. We get to make things realleh crazeh here. The Love Triangle is about to be expanded, by a _lot_.

Next time in Episode Eight: The Love Heptagon! And the FINAL EPISODE!

"Move it, -bleep-. I never want to see you again."

No, that's not a bad word, lol. Whose name will replace that bleep? Let's find out! -nod-

Mm, and good job to those of you who guessed the plan! You did figure out what it was by now, right? The one Riku has been plotting since Episode Three? Hahahahaha.


	8. The Love Heptagon

Episode Eight: The Love Heptagon

_The final episode!!_ –jumps around in excitement-

Whee!! Edward Francis VI makes an appearance!! Yayz! I heart him lol.

I wouldn't want to spoil the many pairings that will be suggested here. So read it! Muahahahahaha! But I will tell you…there are nine pairings, involving seven people! –gasp- Wow. xD I actually added three pairings in just now, so it might be a bit sloppy, but hopefully not. Basically, it turned into a giant Kingdom Hearts soap opera, lol. So watch in amazement as the regular pairings get completely mixed up, and then, well, hopefully, they'll all go back the way they were… -wink-

There's also a moment in here that kinda reminds me of Charlie the Unicorn. Which I also don't own. –nod-

As you can see, I'm very hyper, even though this story's been written for…has it only been three-quarters of a year? Wow. But it's the last one and I'll be excited to be able to work on my newest fanfic! (Which will be serious this time, ha.)

So here we go!

---

Wandering around Traverse Town, Riku stumbles across…

"Uh…Kairi?"

"No, it's Alison, you twit!"

"Okay, anti-Kairi, just making sure."

Riku starts to continue onwards, but anti-Kairi stops him. "Speaking of 'anti-Kairi,' I've done my part. Now give me my Edward darling and start calling us by our names. Then I'm outta here."

"But," Riku protests. "I still need you!"

"Oh, you do, do you?" anti-Kairi snarls. "Well, that's too bad!"

But Riku hasn't lost yet. There's always something to bribe or blackmail with…

"Uh…if you don't help, I'll tell anti—I mean, Edward, that you kissed Sora!"

Gasp. Anti-Kairi stops for a second, shocked.

Finally, she gives in, but not willingly. "You know, I'm getting really sick of you and your deals."

"I'm okay with that, as long as it works!" Riku grins.

"You know, I think he'd understand…" anti-Kairi mutters, desperately trying to find a way out.

"Ha! Would _you _understand, if, uh, 'Edward' was in your place?"

The anti is repulsed. "Of course I wouldn't want _Edward _kissing Sora! Gross!"

Riku sighs. "I mean if he had to kiss Kairi you idiot!"

Anti-Kairi stops to contemplate this. But just the thought of it makes her shake with anger, though she tries to tell herself that her hunny-bun would have been forced into it by some jerk like Riku.

She sighs in defeat. "Fine, I getcha. But you can't keep doing this forever, you know!"

_You think so? _"Yeah, I know," Riku says nonchalantly.

"Now where's my Edward?"

"Got it."

Shiny, shiny, and…there he is! Edward Francis VI is back!

"Edward!" anti-Kairi cries.

"Huh?" anti-Sora looks around, disoriented. "Where…?"

Then he sees his love running towards him, with hearts over her head.

"Dude! Alison!" The hearts conquer him as well, and the two hug. Aw, nothing beats evil love!

"I'll just be leaving you two now…" Riku smirks and leaves, but the couple doesn't notice.

Anti-Sora whips out a banjo. "I wrote another song for you, Alison! It's called: _My Alison._

"Alison, oh Alison

So full of malice and

You are the princess of my heart!

Alison, oh Alison,

If I had a chalice then

I'd fill it with enough flowers for a cart

_All for you!!!!!!_"

As the last screeching note dies away, anti-Kairi claps her hands in joy. "Oh, that's so beautiful!" she cries.

"Yup," anti-Sora says. "I never stopped thinking about you."

Of course there was that one time when that one Shadow chick had been walking by…

_Okay, except for that time…and that time…and that time, too…_

Luckily, anti-Kairi is oblivious. The hearts disappear as she moans sadly, "I'm sorry I haven't been able to draw anything for you. Riku's been running me everywhere."

"Well, why do you listen to that unrighteous punk, dude?

The hearts are back! "I'd do anything for you, sweetheart!"

Anti-Sora smiles. "Right on, dude. But still, it's so not cool that he's like using me to get your service."

"That's okay! Now I have you…" anti-Kairi whips out a piece of chalk and starts drawing on the ground.

"Whatcha doin'?" anti-Sora asks, peering over her shoulder.

"Here's my drawing for you!"

Anti-Sora looks closer and sees a large heart, surrounded by small hearts. Inside the big heart is written "Edward + Alison."

"Aw, it's wicked awesome, dude!" is anti-Sora's comment, and the two hug again.

Eventually, anti-Kairi pulls away. "Well, I have to go sweetie. Will you wait for me by the keyhole fountain?"

"Totally, dude." But anti-Sora has a stop to make on the way. _I'm gonna kick Riku's butt._

On the other side of town, Riku is strolling along, whistling because he has changed back into his icky purple outfit. Then he bumps into…

"Riku!" squeals Kairi. "There you are! Why aren't you wearing the clothes I got you!?!"

_-sigh- Definitely the real Kairi…_

"Blah blah blah"

"All right I'll put on the stupid clothes!"

"Yay!"

Riku goes to change into his gangster clothes, thinking angrily, _This is going to be so much more work than it's worth…_

After changing, who should he run into but anti-Kairi, who can only make him feel worse about his new girlfriend?

"Nice outfit!" the anti cackles.

"Okay, ha, ha," Riku says, past caring. "Now listen!"

While anti-Kairi tries to stifle her laughter, Riku continues. "I'm gonna leave for Hollow Bastion to check out the door. Kairi's going with me. You try to stall Sora, and if you both end up following us, then _be careful about Kairi! _If she sees you, it's all over."

Anti-Kairi crosses her arms. "And Edward?"

"I don't care, as long as no one sees him!"

"Yeah, yeah," anti-Kairi waves her hand dismissively and walks off. "I'll be fine, gangster boy!"

"Don't call me that," Riku mutters, and heads off to find Kairi.

Oh, here she comes, preoccupied with a beeping object in her hands.

"Kairi," Riku says.

"Yes, sweetie?" Kairi answers, not taking her eyes off the object.

Riku clears his throat. "We have to go. We're going to, uh, go to the teddy bear store. Yeah! They have tons of teddy bears! And lots of different kinds, too!" _Kinds that'll eat your heart. Muahahaha!_

_But you better not let that happen, Ansem._

_Or what, Riku?_

_I _will _take my body back. Trust me._

_Whatever._

Ansem and Riku both turn back to Kairi, who crying for glee. "Yay! But…" she glances at her beeping object again. "First I have to find Bob. I left him at the café."

"There are plenty more where we're going," says Riku impatiently.

Kairi gasps at the insensitive thought. "No cute black teddy bear could replace Bob!" And off she goes.

Riku groans and storms off, muttering, "Okay, Bob, or Fred, or whatever you call yourself, you'd better hurry up and get found, because my patience is wearing thin."

Fred himself is in the Second District, standing on a platform in front of a Large Body and two Shadows.

_Yes, finally, an audience! Okay, ahem. _"And that is why, my friends—"

The tracking device on his bum gives a loud beep, causing Fred to fall off and the heartless to flee.

"Wait!" Fred calls desperately. "_Wait!_"

But everyone has gone. Poor Fred, so close, too!

"No…why…?"

"Bob!" a voice calls.

And it just got worse. "Oh…_please_ no…"

But yes, Kairi runs in, tucking her beeping thing in a pocket. "There you are, Bob!" she says, picking him up. "I was getting worried. I thought my tracking device wasn't working."

"Tracking device…?" Fred twists around, sees the thing on his bum, and gasps out, horrified, "I don't remember having that put on!"

As usual, Kairi ignores him. "Okay, Bob, Riku says we're going to the black teddy bear store. I'm gonna get you a mommy and daddy and brothers and sisters and…"

"Oh, joy."

"Come on!" And Kairi runs off with Fred captive once again.

Meanwhile, anti-Sora stumbles on Riku, who is contemplating how Kairi is getting on his last nerve.

"Riku," anti-Sora says, and he stands there, looking very angry.

Riku is surprised. "Anti—er, Edward."

"We have to talk." Anti-Sora crosses his arms over his chest.

Then he notices Riku's gangster clothes. "Dude! That is so my look! Where'd ya get that totally awesome outfit, dude?"

Riku is startled, and he looks down at his clothes. _Man, these people are weird… _"I, er, got it in Second District."

Anti-Sora makes a mental note to stop by there and then continues. "Well, anyway, I need to talk to you about Alison."

_Alison? Oh, yeah, anti-Kairi. _"What about her?"

"I've heard you've been annoying her, dude. A lot."

_Stupid whiny anti-Kairi. _"Maybe. Whatcha gonna do about it?"

"For Alison! _Rawrrrrrrrrr!!!_" He charges at Riku.

Riku is taken aback for a moment, but then he uses his powers to suspend anti-Sora in midair, and speaks angrily to him. "Remember, I still control you! You mess up my plans and you can say goodbye to your precious Alison."

The prisoner grumbles, but gives in. "Okay, fine, no interference."

"Good. See you later, then!" Riku drops anti-Sora, and leaves, whistling happily.

Anti-Sora stands up and stares after Riku. "Dude…you may have us by the strings now, but you _will _pay…dude."

Dum dum dum!

Riku is still wandering aimlessly around Traverse Town.

_Man, these clothes are so annoying…Kairi's so annoying…this whole thing is just so annoying! And oh great, here she comes._

"Riku! Riku!" Kairi runs to him, holding Bob. "Lookit!"

"Good, now let's get on the freaking gummi ship already!"

On the gummi ship, Riku drives, mood worsening by the minute. _Stupid gangster hat in my eyes…stupid chatterbox Kairi…_

"Yeah, me and Sora used to shop together all the time, we just never told you because we didn't want you coming along to cramp our style! Haha, that's what Sora said, he has the most wonderful expressions, blah blah blah"

"Let me go before I die of this endless talk," Fred begs weakly.

_Crash!_

The gummi ship has crashed into a rock. Riku snaps and jumps out of his seat to yell at Kairi.

"Great! Thanks a lot! Thanks to your nonstop chattering I crashed into this stupid rock! Ever since I started dating you you've been nothing but trouble! I don't even understand why this kid—I mean, I like you! Blah blah blah"

Kairi, unperturbed, crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. _Yeesh, will he just goes on and on, doesn't he?_

"You know what, Kairi? I'm sick of you! We're through! I don't care if Sora gets his strength from you! I'm taking you back to Traverse Town! And take your dumb clothes with you!"

Riku tears off his gangster clothes and tosses them on the floor before the now-shocked Kairi, revealing lovely evil boxers with cute little Shadows all over them.

Fred cracks up. "Nice boxers…and hat hair!"

But Kairi can only stare at Riku. _I've never been dumped before…_

She continues to stare, uncomprehending.

Riku stares angrily back, waiting for a reaction.

Fred falls asleep.

"_Waaahhh!!!_" Kairi cries suddenly. "You're worse than Sora!" On an impulse—and my impulse, too—she jumps out of the ship, her tears flying upward from the wind until she makes a soft thud, landing on the rock.

Riku stares down at her in disbelief, and then sighs. "Well, I guess I'd better go get her…"

"No, please, leave her," Fred advises.

But Riku retrieves Kairi, and lays the unconscious girl on the floor of the ship.

"Don't wake up," whines Fred.

Then Riku is back at the controls, heading for Traverse Town. "Good thing I calmed down. It's much easier to think without that aggravating twit. Anyway, I'll see if I can dump her somewhere Sora will never find her."

Back in Traverse Town, anti-Sora sits alone at the keyhole fountain in the Second District.

_If we could just get through this keyhole…_ he can't help thinking. But no, it's been locked by his counterpart. The annoyance. _Well, there are more important things to worry about. Like Alison._

"Edward!" Speak of the anti.

"Alison!"

The pair sits together and catches up on things.

Behind a wall nearby, Riku and Fred stop suddenly.

"Oh," Riku gasps, "here's Alison."

"Please just let me go…" says Fred, but as usual, no one listens.

Behind _another _nearby wall, Sora is looking for Kairi.

"I'd better find her before that evil Riku or whoever he is gets any ideas and comes back for Kairi."

And at the fountain, anti-Sora looks around quickly. _There's someone watching us…_

Anti-Kairi is totally oblivious, and she leans her head on her love's shoulder. "I love you so much, Edward!" she sighs happily.

"Edward?!" What's this all about?!?"

Sora storms out from his hiding place to confront his supposed girlfriend.

"Uh…" anti-Sora doesn't want to leave, but if Sora sees him up close, he could be in for another beating. "Gotta go!" he yells, and runs off.

"Why?" anti-Kairi cries. "Edward!"

And then she notices Sora. Oops. "Kairi! Kairi!" Sora growls. "Who was that guy!?"

Not any of anti-Kairi's best improvisation can save her now. _Oh, crap._

She looks around desperately…and sees Riku…giving her a thumbs up?

_If that means what I think it means…yes! _She turns to Sora and says, not remorseful at all, "That was my other boyfriend Edward. You're both totally hot. But now you've caught me. Oops."

"That's it, Kairi!" Sora explodes, totally missing the insincerity in her voice. "We are so over!" He storms off.

And that is how Kairi was dumped twice in one day.

"Yes!" anti-Kairi whoops, as Riku approaches her.

"Good job, Alison," he says. "Now get Edward and let's get out of here!"

"Huh? What's going on? What about Kairi?"

Riku shrugs. "I dumped her. She was a pest. It wasn't worth it, even though it was pretty important. But I left her here. Now come on! Sora's about to leave, and we have to beat him to Hollow Bastion!"

"Oh…kay…"

"Alison!" That is anti-Sora, tiptoeing back.

"Edward! You're back!" anti-Kairi turns to him and beams.

But "Edward" doesn't look too happy. "Who was that dude? That was Sora, wasn't it? Dude, like, what were you doing with him?"

Anti-Kairi is stunned, knowing she'll have to fess up. _This is all your fault, _she glares at Riku.

"What?" Riku says.

Anti-Kairi sighs and tries to say it. "I didn't want to…Riku made me…"

"Made you _what_?

_What? _Riku thinks incredulously. _She's telling him? All she has to do is say that Sora confused her with Kairi. What an idiot._

With a deep breath, though, the truth comes out. "I had to pretend to be Kairi to make the real one hate Sora, and so I was kind of--but not really!—I mean, I don't love him at all—oh, please, Edward, tell me you understand!"

Edward stops to stare at this revelation, completely shocked.

_Well,_ Riku thinks, moved by some sudden unexplainable emotion, _I might as well make the most of this…I mean…if anti-Kairi's free now…_

"Yeah!" he blurts out. "Yeah right! She kissed Sora, too! That wasn't in the job description!"

Anti-Kairi gasps and looks at Riku, with an expression that says, _You didn't just do that…you…you didn't just crush my last hope…_ It almost made Riku feel guilty. But not quite.

Anti-Sora stares from Riku back to anti-Kairi, and she stares back, hoping against hope.

"I never want to see you again…anti-Kairi." And he walks away coolly.

"It's…Alison…" anti-Kairi whispers, crushed.

Then she collapses to the ground in tears. "Edward…_nooooooo!!!!_"

Riku whistles a bit and starts to walk off. "Come on, then, let's go. One less annoying passenger on board."

Anti-Kairi curls up into a ball on the floor. "Why…?" she moans.

Riku, exasperated, turns around and drags her off. "Come _on._" Then he catches Fred, trying to escape. "That means you, too, Shadow."

Fred sighs. "Fine."

Meanwhile, Kairi has been kneeling and staring by anti-Kairi's heart picture for the past hour. "If I could have a heart with my own name in it…" she sobs quietly. "…and Sora's…"

Sora is walking towards the entrance, but when he sees Kairi, he glares and brushes by her. "Move it, Kairi," he mutters. "I never want to see you again."

"Wh—what did _I _do?" Kairi whimpers, and walks off, her whole world crashing down around her.

But Sora returns. "Wait a sec…" He sees the drawing, with the "Edward + Alison" on it. "Edward…and who's Alison? I should tell Kairi he's cheating on her."

Then the vision of _her_ leaning on _his _shoulder and sighing, "I love you so much, Edward" returns.

"Nah. She deserves it."

Off he goes, and soon after, Riku drags anti-Kairi by the very spot, followed by Fred. When anti-Kairi sees her drawing, her non-existent heart breaks once again, and she reaches out weakly towards the big heart.

"That's…our heart…but…he called me anti-Kairi…"

This just makes Riku snap. Why can't she just let go of that loser? He picks her up and yells in her face. "You know what? Get over it! It's over! I told you he'd be a jerk over it, but you wouldn't listen, and now, he's gone! You're so pathetic! Get over yourself, if you'd stop pinning all your hopes on a stupid boy…"

This, anti-Kairi will not stand for. The flames appear and she screams back, "_You know what! It's your own fault this whole thing happened in the first place! And now I've got absolutely nothing left in my life that you can use against me! You've already taken everything I ever valued away from me! So guess what? I'm outta here!!"_

Then she's gone, leaving Riku stunned. But soon he runs after her. "Wait! Alison!"

She continues walking.

"Alison, please, I—I'm sorry!"

The anti stops. Then she turns around slowly, hatred in every bit of her face. "You're sorry, are you?" she snarls. "My life, my everything has just left me because of _you_, and I highly doubt you're sorry even now."

"But I am," Riku says desperately. "Because…" He takes her hand awkwardly. "Because…you're the princess of _my _heart, and I'm sorry for all the things I did to hurt you."

Anti-Kairi's anger leaves completely. It's replaced by total bewilderment. "Um…Riku…wow, uh…" She pulls her hand away and pats his comfortingly. "I don't think it would work out," she whispers and nods, then starts to run.

"Wait!" Riku transforms, and anti-Kairi is shocked to see what must be no less than a forty-year-old man staring at her.

_Okay, kid, you had your turn, now let me show you how you win a girl, _Ansem thinks to Riku.

"What about me?" Ansem asks the thoroughly freaked-out anti-Kairi. "I swear you're the most beautiful thing that's walked any world! Together we can rule the world, with your supreme evilness! Please, say yes!" He takes her hand.

Anti-Kairi's eyes pop, and she runs away as fast as she can.

"Noooo!!" Ansem shoots out green fire to bring her back, but it's to no avail against a princess of heartless.

Riku appears, totally himself, beside Ansem, looking very hologram-y. He falls to his knees. "Why must I always be rejected!?!" he screams to the heavens.

Fred looks on at the madness and shakes his head, then sighs. "I wish I had anti-princess powers, so I could get away from these weirdos…"

Anti-Sora, meanwhile, is walking around, when suddenly he's tackled by Kairi. "Oh, Sora, Sora, Sora!" Kairi cries, hugging him tightly. "I'm so sorry I don't know what I did but I promise I'll be the best girlfriend ever and I forgive you for everything you did just don't date that other girl, date me, please please please! Oh," she smiles then, "I love your new outfit. How'd you get your face all black?"

Anti-Sora realizes that this is _not _anti-Kairi…especially since he can see said anti looking in disbelief at them from the nearby alley.

He smiles evilly and hugs Kairi in return. "That's all right," he says, making a huge effort to talk like the real Sora. "Let's forget everything and start over, okay, dude? Er--woops..."

But Kairi notices nothing in her joy. "Okay, Sora! Then I'll wait for you here while you go rid the world of evil and you come back and then we can go back to Destiny Islands and we can be together again just like always and forget Riku!"

"Uh, leave?" anti-Sora wonders. "Oh, yeah, uh, maybe I'll just stay here…because _I love you_." He laughs at anti-Kairi's pained expression as she runs away sobbing.

"But, Sora!" Kairi gasps. "What would everyone think if you left the worlds to darkness?"

"Who cares?"

Kairi stares at him.

"What? What'd I say?"

"You don't care?! Sora! That's so unlike you!"

Anti-Sora can see Sora, Donald, and Goofy approaching, and knows he'd better give it up. Besides, the damage is done, and anti-Kairi's gotten what was coming to her. "Um," he says, pulling out of the hug, "I've gotta go, sweetheart, I'll be back though, okay? Uh, this black outfit is making me itchy, and I'm gonna go change." He whizzes away, leaving Kairi confused…

Until Sora arrives.

"Wow, Sora, that was fast!" Kairi runs up to him gladly. But when he doesn't let her hug him, she stops. "What's the matter, Sora?" she asks.

"What the heck are you doing, Kairi?" Sora glares. "Didn't I tell you I didn't want to see you again? I'm not just some boy you can use whenever you feel like it," he spits before he walks on.

"But…but…" Kairi is thoroughly confused now, and she runs into the accessory shop.

Inside, Cid watches her as she sits sobbing.

He whistles. _She's purty…_

Then he approaches the girl. "Well, well, purty lady," he says casually. "What seems t'be the problem?"

Kairi sobs, thinking it nothing to reveal her problems to a complete kidnapper-profile stranger. "My boyfriend cheated on me and we've been together for years and then my next boyfriend dumped me and then my first boyfriend liked me again but then he didn't for no reason and I want him back but he hates me and I don't know why!!!"

Cid gasps exaggeratedly. "No! Now why on earth would they do that?"

"I don't know!" Kairi wails, and continues her bawling.

Cid waits for a moment, whistling.

He continues whistling.

He stares at Kairi, waiting for her to say something.

He clears his throat.

He stares again.

Finally, he goes for it. "How 'bout goin' to the café with me? You can cry your eyes out on my shoulder!"

Kairi suddenly stops crying and stares at him. _I just got asked out by a gross creepy old man._

She looks at him some more.

_Still…I'm all alone…_

"Sure!" she says brightly.

And off they go, hand in hand.

---

The end! The rest of the story: Riku/Ansem took Fred along with him to Hollow Bastion, closely followed by Sora and co. Cid and Kairi, in the meantime, went on many dates and gummi ship rides.

When Ansem disappeared, leaving Riku to recover his body, Fred was locked in Kingdom Hearts along with Riku and the king, forgotten by everyone.

On that day, Kairi was eating spaghetti with Cid at the café…and then suddenly, she was in some unknown place…but Sora was there. Overjoyed to see each other, they each forgot everything bad that had happened and ran towards each other. Then Utada Hikaru sang a song and they were separated.

As for anti-Kairi, she traveled from world to world, Kairi's heart forgotten, her only goal to find her lost love, Edward Francis VI. Though her love had abandoned his use of her name when he left, anti-Kairi stubbornly continued to call herself Alison.

Unbeknownst to Sora and his friends, there is a new threat working against them…

---

And that's it! Since I finished this a little more than a year ago, it's basically been sitting. I mean to continue the Adventures of Totally Radical Anti-Sora, eventually, but for now I only have one and a half episodes written, and I wrote those during the summer. xD But anyways, now I want _all of you_ to review on your thoughts on the whole story, if you haven't already, and they can be as specific as "This period should go there, not here," or anything you wanna say. Encouragement, constructive criticism, it's all welcome, from the experienced writers or the newbies. (Hey, I'm a newbie, too, so…lol) But yeah, if the reviews encourage me enough, I _may _be inspired to work more on the next installment. Ideas for it would be really welcome. It's supposed to be chronicling anti-Sora's journey during the events of KH:CoM, and Fred and anti-Kairi will have their own little side plots, too.

So congratulations! You've finished it! –tear-

Oh, and here are the pairings I used. I don't know why I'm putting them in here but it compels me… 0.o

Sora x Kairi

Edward x Alison

Sora x Alison

Riku x Kairi

Riku x Alison

Ansem x Alison

Edward x Kairi

Cid x Kairi

Credit for the whole "Kairi finds Sora kissing anti-Kairi so that Riku can be with Kairi" goes to a friend at home who you probably don't know but she helped a lot by reading my comics before I published them! And she gave me lots of helpful hints along the way. Also, I would like to thank another friend on my Quizilla account for reading the first few episodes and giving me the courage to publish these! Oh, and we can't forget my Quizilla friend who did that review featured in the Curtain Call.

Finally, I would like to thank you! For reading! And especially reviewing, if you do that! Thank you much, and I luffs you all! Remember, this is Alisyn Coleman, saying,

"Cid x Kairi for-ay-vah!"


End file.
